I’m married with a one year old daughter and a 2 year old step daughter. Me and my husband were having problems before we were even married, and now he’s in the Army. We argue constantly and most of the time they arent just simple arguments, they blow up into much larger things where he gets very mad and yells sometimes and trys to say the things that hurt me most so that I cry. He once told me that making me cry showed that I "cared" Which is outrageous. I’ve had enough fighting, it kills me inside a little more each time and I have finally reached the point where I can’t take it anymore. And one big thing we fight about is my daughter needing to see her real father and his family as well as ours. He wasnt in the picture for a while and my husband has helped raise her and loves her and doesnt think its fair that her real father gets another chance. I understand that to a point, but this is for my daughter. She needs to see her family and they need to see her. I will not take her away from them. Other than that we fight about stupid things mostly, and I’m sick of it. The army does put a lot of stress on us, not getting so see each other that often but its not all of our problem. I know he lies to me a lot, about nothing important. Its like he’s trying to tell me what I want to hear instead of the truth. and then i find out and its like, what the hell? I feel like we arent friends anymore, and we have lost our "spark" Is there anything I can do to try to fix things? We have been trying for a long time now but it seems like its just getting worse. I do love him and I hate to be without him but I’m not happy anymore. Should we try counseling, or just give up? I can’t decide whats best to do and I would really appreciate some advice. Thanks
I absolutely do not want my ex. I left him while I was pregnant and I did it for a reason. I have talked to him once since then and just to ask if he wanted to see my daughter. I am doing this for her, because my brother went thru the same thing and he just found his real father. I dont want her to have to deal with that. And I’m not sure if he will want to see her, but I am going to let his mother and sister and aunt see her. This has nothing to do with my ex.
I have discussed all of this with him and told him how I feel and how I’m not happy anymore and he just asks what I want, and all I can say is to be happy, etc and in the end we just end up arguing again. He said he would change and he did, for a day and a half. Then it was back to arguing.
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As a military wife I can understand and recognise some of the problems you are describing. I really think you need to try the counselling, for the sake of the children and yourself because your husband has a warped sense of how emotions can be felt and expressed if he believes that by making you cry shows that you care. It shows that he is hurting you!
Family counselling – maybe through the welfare services attached to the army – would be of use in regard to helping your husband’s basic insecurities and why he is ‘punishing’ you and the children, as well as helping him to understand your daughter’s need to remain in contact with her biological father and his family. Recognising the role that your husband has in her life would help reassure him, which I’m sure you are doing, but his fundamental sense of insecurity will remain as long as he is likely to be posted/drafted away from you for any period of time.
You have young children and a husband who is away a lot, which probably means that the opportunities for romance and rebuilding your relationship are slim or non-existent. Is there any chance of you and your husband being able to spend some time alone together to try and find that lost spark – family members who could babysit overnight or the weekend? Is there a support group for you when he is away – a local playgroup for the children or a mothers and toddlers group?
You need to try and address the problems as soon as possible to assess if there is any chance for you as a couple and a family.
I wish you well.
Sometimes even if you love someone with all your heart, you will just never be able to get along and make it work. Since there’s kids in the mix, it’s very much worth it to keep trying as long as you can keep it normal and not fight in front of them. But you may have to face the fact that the two of you are simply toxic together. That’s completely unreasonable to not want to let a kid see their real parent, the kid has enough love to go around for everyone and wouldn’t love their step-parent any less. That’s awful if someone says things to make you cry on a regular basis, be strong, don’t take it. If it continues you need to get out of this relationship. Maybe in the future you can be friends or pick back up again if he changes b/c losing you will make him realize what a d*ckhead he’s been.
You couldn’t stop your ex husband or his family from seeing your daughter without a long protracted legal battle, and even then, your chances of blocking the visitation would be very slim. Your husband seems to have a lot of anger issues and mentally and emotionally abused you. You may want to sit down with him and tell him everything that you have just spoken to the community, only with greater details. If you want to try counseling and he agrees to it, then try counseling. If not, then I would go forward with the divorce proceedings. Good luck and God Bless
i b believe that you can try counseling and see where it goes from their but in most cases i have heard that all the arguing and the hurt full gestures is pretty much a red flag that things look like its on the outs good luck
You aren’t ready to give up on your Ex yet. Don’t use your daughter as an excuse to keep in touch with your Ex.
Your husband can tell how you feel, even though you probably deny it.
Go ahead and file for the divorce, you are not doing yourself or your husband a favor by staying in a marriage when it is your Ex you want.