Can any one tell me what happened to this marriage besides a really bad communication problem?

12 Responses to Can any one tell me what happened to this marriage besides a really bad communication problem?

1. Sirena Virago says:

   January 18, 2010 at 9:36 am

   #1 – Stop !
   Stop trying to please "her". She won’t accept what you do to help her out so do yourself a huge favor and discontinue "giving" of yourself.
   #2 – Turn !
   Turn your attention away from her and put it all on yourself. You will need to focus all your attention on "you" now, in order to get through this thing, one way or the other.
   #3 – Heal !
   Heal yourself. Start to wonder why you ever fell into this "arrangement" in the first place. Begin to get to know yourself more deeply than ever before. Be introspective and learn about how all "this" was an unconscious creation of your own mind. On some deep level, this is exactly what you wanted.

   Men find themselves in this same position every day across the planet, especially in the USA. The truth is, people are very powerful beings who "create" their own destiny.

   Start to "own" this idea and you’ll begin to understand your own internal power. For some reason, you have been very unhappy with the relationship, even though you consciously believe that you were happy. Perhaps it was because your belief about happiness was understood to be "making someone else happy". This fails every time and is a common statistic of divorce. Begin to embrace your true happiness, that is, making yourself happy.

   Thank Her ! Yes, thank her for finally "setting you free" from spending all your time trying to make her happy.
2. joan_of_freakin_arc says:

   January 18, 2010 at 9:36 am

   she is using her own choices , and saying they were your choices, as a reason to justify her own deeds, and lay the blame on u, so she won’t have to be accountable or have to work on her marriage, as she now has someone else. she didn’t just change, this is who she always was, and u just failed to see it, sometimes love is blind and we love that person so much we are willing to look the other way and ignore things we see. she finds it easier to blame what she is doing onto u, even if it means she has to tell lies on u to do it. she does this so she can convince others that the reason isn’t just about the other person she is seeing, so she doesn’t look bad morally.
3. michaelknight_2000 says:

   January 18, 2010 at 9:36 am

   Welcome to the world of DRAMA. You can thank your wife’s friends for this mess. They have filled her head with all kinds of sh*t.

   If your wife value’s what her friends are saying more than the marriage counselor, then counseling will be a waste of time and money and will not be successful in rectifying this marital problem.

   Get your affairs in order, conserve as much cash as possible and get in a position to defend yourself in a future divorce action.

   Women can be really evil creatures. She has shown this by just packing up and moving out with the kids. This is cause for great concern and leads me to believe the counseling is just a cover for her until she is financially stable enough to file for a divorce.

   At your next counseling session or if possible prior to it call and speak to the counselor and demand that all information concerning you be kept in strict confidence, not to be given out to anyone to and including your wife.

   You need to start covering all the bases and do it NOW! Don’t expect this marriage to overcome this via counseling or time. She’s made a drastic move by moving out with the kids.

   Yes you may feel lost and confused and hurt. But you can’t worry about that now you need to cover your own a ss.
4. phorwanted says:

   January 18, 2010 at 9:36 am

   You seem to have a grip on what is needed to make some repairs to your marriage. Something is really wrong if her adamant need to keep her children out of daycare is now being reversed. You may need to hire an investigator to see who it is she is communicating with and exactly who it is she is seeing.

   How was your sex life together for the six months prior to the day she woke up "a totally different person." Sometimes behavior like this is related to the preference for the sex of her partner.
5. denise b says:

   January 18, 2010 at 9:36 am

   Go to councelling and let her see that the life she chose was the life she got. I believe some women choose to be stay home moms and after a while feel isolated from the world around them. When the husband is at work all day expanding his mind having interesting conversations with co-workers and clients and the wife is home with the children reading childrens books and singing childrens songs sometimes they become resentful of their husbands life. When the husband does very little to help with the children it compounds the problem. The resentment is focused on the husband therefore it becomes his fault that she feels isolated. Therefore you are blamed for keeping her home even though is was her choice. The women’s rights friend more than likely gave her a forum to open up about the way she feels and whala now you have this situation. Talk with her, let her know that you support her in finding her independence & finding a job. Encourage you to find herself. Help out with the kids more. Suggest you 2 go to dinner and talk, tell her you want to keep the marriage together and that you apologize for not realizing that she was unhappy with her life. Let her know you love her and support her in her search for her independence. Buy her a scooby doo lunch box (she can take her lunch to work in it) and put some cute post it note, a pen and a framed picture of the both of you in happier times in the lunch box. Kiss her and hug her and let her know how much you really care about her, your children and your family. If she is not ready to move back ask her to schedule weekly dinner dates to talk about her life and your life together. Too many marriages break up these days because we get so busy with life that we miss what is going on with the people we love. Good luck!
6. aunt_beeaa says:

   January 18, 2010 at 9:36 am

   What you have here is a royal break down in communication mixed with your wife thinking the grass is greener on the other side.

   You both can attend counseling until the cows come home but if you both don’t work together as couple (TEAM) your marriage will be doomed no matter what you do.

   What was her independence need to move out? Sounds to me like your wife is a bit of a puppet that have her friends pulling her strings. She needs to be encouraged by you to move herself and the children back home. Assure her that she can keep her new found employment and the children can stay in daycare but if she truly loves you encourage her to come back home.

   By the time she pays for daycare, gas, shelter, food, utilities —-she’ll have no paycheck to live on. DAYCARE will eat up most of anything she makes! At least by moving back home she can cut some of her expenses and still keep her new found freedom of earning $$$$. DAYCARE is expensive—-roughly $150-200 per child.

   Maybe she should list out the real reasons for leaving in the 1st place. She is using you to blame —-where the feelings she is expressing should be about her and blaming NO ONE! The struggles she’s having within herself should be a marital team effort to find some peace and understanding and not put a breach between the two of you.

   TALK, TALK, and more TALK…..start opening your ears up and really LISTEN to what you’re wife is saying and telling you. She’s crying out to be heard! And look—-it’s working —see all the negative attention she’s getting?
7. streakingstreaker says:

   January 18, 2010 at 9:36 am

   That’s feminism for you. I would not be surprised to find out that this friend of hers is a lesbian.

   You need to continue with the counseling. Also, fight for your right as a father to have custody of your children.
8. grandm says:

   January 18, 2010 at 9:36 am

   Be patient with her; sounds like her new friends have got her thinking about the direction of her life. If you both still love each other, the counseling should help to get you back on track. Just be prepared though, she probably won’t want to be a stay at home mother anymore. She’s growing, and changing; for your marriage to survive, it will have to grow, and change too. Best of luck!
9. GoYa says:

   January 18, 2010 at 9:36 am

   It sounds like to me your wife is having some issues. Better get some very good counselling and don’t let her affect your life too much.
10. candy says:

    January 18, 2010 at 9:36 am

    What better thing can a councelling do rather talking to u people indivudually and then with both of u together? I would suggest that u come home early than usual from work, take care of kids and also pre-prepare something for supper/dinner.

    u r the best person who can talk to ur wife. Find out what her aspirations are and dig if u ahve ever done soemthing that has been an obstacle for the same. If so give her all possible hjelp that helps her to overcome it.

    go out to soem private place and spen soem tiem wiht her. Arrange for soem get-to-gehter at home or soem hotel and invite the friends who she likes and make her feel comfortable.

    hope this will make ur life more smooth.

    all the best.
11. mother of 2 says:

    January 18, 2010 at 9:36 am

    She sounds crazy. Try to work with her on counseling. Thats pretty much it. ALso send her flowers
12. piepiepie says:

    January 18, 2010 at 9:36 am

    Clearly, it was some sort of communication problem. I do think it’s funny that you blame the feminists though. How ironic.