Can I save my marriage?

Posted on January 23, 2011 by admin

I love my husband and he says he loves me too. We had some issues lately and the intimacy was the first thing to go. There is so little physical contact anymore even though we both agree to try to save the marriage.

I feel like I have to beg for even the smallest amount of physical contact. I told him he does not hug me back or he does not tell me he loves me back. He does not want to have sex. I feel like he just accepts love from me and does not give anything back.

He says he shows it in other ways by going to the store with me, playing games with me, taking care of house things for me. I told him these things are great, and I appreciate them but I’m also asking for him to act like he is in love with me. He said he thought he was. He totally acts like he is shocked by my statements. He said he thought everything was fine.

I am so frustrated because I feel like he does not ever understand anything I’m talking about.
I asked him if he feels depressed but he says no. I told him I feel so confused, lonely, insecure and unhappy. He says his first concern is for me to be happy and it feels like he can’t even do that right. I feel like every time I bring up any issue it just makes everything worse and he brick wall gets stronger.
We have been married 7 years. Everything should be great for us. We bought a house, have enough money to pay the bills, have things we want. We’re not rich at all but we have the things we need. I dont know why love is suffering.

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7 Responses to Can I save my marriage?

  1. helpfulJoe says:
    February 17, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    Most every marriage, it seems, has one spouse that wants more, and the other wants less. One wants to revv up the motor, and the other wants to put it in park. Differences attract. Wouldn’t it be boring if we married our mirror image. I am afraid you are the one who will have to live with less right now. The blessing is, you get to do the personal development and maturing. You will be better for it. He is happy with less, so you have to live with less. Look to God to give you what you long for. When you get frustrated, take a walk and have a long talk with Him. Sometimes your marriage doesn’t meet your needs. That’s not to say you can’t stay married and learn to be content. Hang in there. I will pray.

  2. Bedford S says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:24 am

    My wife and I have been married 37 1/2 years. I embarrassed to say I am not that affectionate. Don’t get me wrong, there is an occasional hug and sex at times. For me growing up my family was not that affectionate. Of course seven years into my marriage I couldn’t keep my hands off my wife for sex. Could you both go to couples counseling? You might get professional help. You could be right that he could be depressed.

  3. cats says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:24 am

    I think its normal, based on my many years of marriage, to have times where you just need to mix things up. I think it’s normal to have periods of time with just friendship and less sex. My experience is that sex always comes back and the lack of sexual feelings can be caused by stress, depression, some form of worry… There must be something troubling him on some level (even stress over the economy, change of hormones, who knows). Whatever the reason, I think you should keep trying to communicate with him….he may not even realize it if he is depressed.

    I personally think its helpful to see a Pastor/Priest for communication issues. I also think it’s great if you can find a place where you can worship God together, and also take time for devotions together at night. There are many books for couples and devotions. If you don’t worship together, that could be a missing piece to his (and your) happiness.

    Wishing you the best and much happiness.

  4. u-r silly, just silly says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:24 am

    Read the Five Love Languages – it really helped us regroup when we had similar rough patch. There was nothing else going on at the time but we both felt in a little funk about things. The book helped us to reconnect. It’s worth trying as a 1st step.

  5. glamorousvivica says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:24 am

    I agree with the other answers. You need marriage counseling. Every relationship goes through it’s ups and downs. Times when you are not as physically attracted to each other as you once were, or perhaps have other things going on…such as job stress, etc…that make you less sexually interested. I would say, the pressure you are putting on him to be more physical is probably making the situation worse. Instead of whining when he doesn’t hug you back, try to make it a more natural thing. He is probably very aware of the issue and likely making it more of an issue is making it a bigger problem than it really should be. Just relax and see if he would be open to counseling. You don’t say how long you have been together, but this sounds more like you’ve hit a plateau than anything.

  6. hazelkatseyez says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:24 am

    This post sounds like I could have written in. My husband finally confessed that he was depressed though could it be the same in your husbands case? It can put them off sex (like in our case) and stop them wanting to have physical contact with you, like their depressed side is trying to push you away.
    Could it maybe be a medical reason like that? Netmums.com do a realtionship course, go to their site and search for it. It’s dead easy and has a good Q&A sction which was what brought everything out into the open for us.
    If it’s only the sexual side of things lacking in your marriage I’m sure you can save it. You just need to find out whats lacking and trying to sort it. Sounds like it’s his problem though not yours. Thought of maybe trying marriage councelling?

  7. Murzy says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:24 am

    marriage counseling may help. even if he doesn’t want to go, then you go alone.

    you didn’t mention if there are children involved.

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Can I save my marriage?

Posted on January 23, 2011 by admin

My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years and have been together for almost 7. For the last 6 months he has been unemployed and has run through all of his unemployment benefits and has not found a job. I am getting frustrated since this seems to happen every year. He either gets fired or laid off (which I understand is not his fault). We have discussed him looking harder for a job since we are living on my income and things are very tight and he has agreed that it needs to happen. Yesterday he decided to drive 50 miles to go look for a job, but when he returned home he told me that he invited his sister and her boyfriend to come along and only ended up picking up one job application. I am about at my wits-end since this is a pattern with him. I love him with all my heart and don’t want my marriage to fail, but we cannot keep living like we are especially since I am a full time student on top of working full time. Our house is constantly a mess, yet he stays home the majority of the time and my days off are spent cleaning. I have been thinking about leaving for a while and letting him figure out how to pay the bills on his own, but I really don’t like the idea of leaving him hanging with no income. Would I be wrong to do this?

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17 Responses to Can I save my marriage?

  1. oogabooga37 says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    No, you wouldn’t be wrong. If he were concerned about his welfare, he would have done more to either bring home the bacon, or fry it up in a pan. Since he apparently does neither, he can’t have expectations of you. You’re making something of your life. I understand that you love him, but why get stuck taking care of a loser? Maybe you should have a serious talk with him about what you need in a man and what you can’t handle in a husband so he has the opportunity to step up to the plate. Then the ball’s in his court. He’ll either prove that he is the one you thought you married or he isn’t. It could prove to be the kick in the a$$ he needs. Then, you’ll be able to make a move if necessary knowing you tried your best.

  2. Sparky says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    He isn’t sick or anything but appears to be happy the way things are at the moment due to laziness so yes you are right. He needs a wake up call to get him motivated.

  3. Amy says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    Does your husband acknowledge that he needs to help out more, or does he expect you to do it all ? If he agrees that he needs to be a part of the household and a good part of the marriage then he should rationally accept that he should be making your life easier…not harder.
    It is apparent that some of the choices he makes are less than mature. Driving 50 miles to pick up an application is something a teenager would do. A mature person who’s mindset is to make his situation better would have called and had an application sent or would have planned to pick up several applications while submitting resumes/contact info.
    I am not trying to belittle him as I believe that he may be having some lack of reason because he has regressed a bit due to feeling insignificant and / or ashamed, and useless because he is unemployed. You didn’t say whether or not he behaved this way when he was employed…other than the fact that he has skipped around with his jobs.
    With that said, and if he will accept that he needs to be doing more…then YES, I believe that you can save your marriage. Since it seems that you are the leader in your marriage, then grab the reins and guide it in the direction you want it to go. If he is receptive, you can set up a calendar of jobs you would like him to help with. Don’t expect him to do ALL the chores either..that’s not fair.
    Another way to help him to get over this is to express to him the fact that right now a " job search" is his job. He should be working 8 hours a day at finding employment and/or furthering his education so that he is more attractive to perspective employers.
    Let him now..matter of factly..that what he is doing now is making your life harder…not easier. Tell him clearly what you need and want, and stress that the marriage is also suffering as your trust of the ability to depend on him is being damaged..not by the fact that he isn’t working, but by the fact that he has seemingly " given up".
    This has happened in my marriage too. I did what I advised you to do as well as telling my husband that I would wait for 6 months for things to improve…any improvement..before I would consider alternatives, but I stressed that I wouldn’t live that way for more than that time. As someone famous once said …" honey, you can do bad all by yourself".
    For now, hang in there and be strong and the leader that you are. Most likely he will step up, and if he doesn’t ..even after you have clearly told him and guided him, and especially if he doesn’t have the will or ambition to change…then you will know that he won’t change, and you will be able to make decisions easier at that time.
    Best Wishes..stay the course
    Amy

  4. Sue B says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    If you think leaving in tough times is the right thing to do, then do it. BUT your wedding vows state that you love for better or worse

  5. Al B says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    If he invited his sister and her boy friend to go along and look for a job he must not have looked too hard. Right now you are enabling him to live this way and the best thing you can do for him and for yourself is to leave and let his sister support him. You would be wrong to not leave him on his own because you are a student and eventually you will be making more money and if you are still with him, that is all the more reason for him not to work. Since he was fired from a job somewhere, he may have been lazy there as well and as long as you enable him to live this way, he will have problems. You love him but you have to love yourself more and now that means moving on and making him grow up.

  6. ladybug says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    Yes do it! The only way he will learn.And no you wouldn’t be wrong.
    You want him to change right? So then go and take a break and see what happens.Because after what you wrote it seems to me you are wasting for time on a ralationship that he doesn’t care about.
    He’s very immature so by doing so it will teach him that you will not keep taking his stupid and childish behaviour.
    Good Luck.

  7. Lynn V says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    Since you say that this is a pattern the question becomes…what motivation does he have to change? Obviously, you wanting him to isn’t it. Living with stress on one income isn’t it either. Laziness is defined by the dictionary as being averse or disinclined to work. He fits that description. He won’t even work at home. The pattern will not change without a big ole wakeup call, because you have supported his laziness for years. That makes you an enabler, and an easy mark. He keeps doing it and you keep sticking around. You married a man that does not value the things that you do, does not have the same level of ambition, and has no intent to change. It’s a wash. The failure of your marriage is that you are unable to face the choices (in a man) that you have made. Success is ending it and finding a willing, able partner in life.

  8. suzie Q says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    I think you really need to sit down and face reality. You say you love him with all your heart and do not want to lose your marriage. In that case, you will have to accept that your husband is not going to change his ways as long as he has you to lean on. He sounds like a user and is manipulating you to no end. This is a cold hard truth, but you need to open your eyes wide and see what is happening to you. I am not sure if your husband is just plain lazy or if he simply has a bad attitude and does not try to keep a job, because he knows you will always be there to take care of him. Whatever the case, this is terribly unfair to you and because of your love for this man, you obviously cannot see what he is doing to you.

    There are men out there who seem to find women who will take care of them. They really need to grow up and stand on their own two feet and be responsible and mature people, but for some reason they remain like little boys who cling to someone to take care of them.

    Sorry if this sounds hard, but I just want you to wake up and see what is happening to you. I really feel for you and hope you can make some good choices and get your life on track.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.

  9. Sweetart says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    A marriage is that thing you enter into when you decide "forever" and "no break-ups," so really I think it’s a good idea to try to save it! Your husband doesn’t sound as though he has ambition, motivation, or a good work ethic. That’s not necessarily a death sentence, but they are things you most likely knew before you married him and they aren’t easy things to change. You need to sit down with him, and discuss goals. Even if he doesn’t have any now, he needs to set some, and his ambition? Well that needs to be the fire you light under his arse, and keeping the marriage I hope he values together. A good work ethic unfortunately is something you either have or you don’t.

  10. TheOne says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    It is possible to save your marrige if you want to save it.

    I have been unemployed since May 2010. Unemployment benefits have been extended for the unemployed for 99 weeks (in every State in the USA). Your husband needs to keep filing the unemployment paperwork. I get unemployment and my husband does not get unemployment (he has been out of work since 2007).

    It is really rough for us too – we moved into a cheaper house in another State.

    What would be wrong about that is that you married him in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer.

    Your vows should mean something to you.

    Peace.

  11. Marilyn says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    he is a man not a child, he can fend for himself, God forbid you die tomorrow, he will eat just fine.
    he sounds like just so mch dead weight.
    leave for awhile. don’t contact him, let him prove his love and devotion.
    he’s too weak, how can you stand it?

  12. Popsfav says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    If he isn’t listening to you or making any effort then, no, you wouldn’t be wrong. IF you have been supportive of him and the times he has tried to find work, then instead of just flat out leaving, perhaps tell him you want to separate. Maybe then he will see you are serious.

  13. ssthegreat56 says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    No you wouldn’t be wrong to leave him. He sounds like a bum who probably who has become accustomed to mooching off of you. I would give him an ultimatum if he doesn’t start looking for a job harder than you will leave.

  14. Joseph says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    Easily saved, but he has to step up.
    Consider a separation?

    You would not be wrong to leave him with no income, he is farming you, and you can do better. But… if you love him, you will want to help him by giving him a chance to improve.

    So.. Since its a pattern, it may be ingrained in your relationship by now. Often people become who you need them to be only after you aren’t with them anymore. The distance is needed to give perspective and self analysis. So consider a separation. It will give him the chance to see if he can focus before its too late for the relationship.

  15. scoutma53 says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    Lose this loser. He will drag you down. He’s not even keeping the house tidy. Thank goodness you have no children (yet). If you leave he will find a way, don’t worry about that. He may even take up with some other sucker who doesn’t mind looking after this adult child.

  16. Elated says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    It sounds to me that he has been thinking only of himself for quite a time. It’s time you start thinking of what’s best for you.

  17. brwnsug says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    He sounds like a bum….If he doesn’t change, I would leave.

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Can I Save My Marriage?

Posted on January 23, 2011 by admin

Me and my wife have separated recently for the second time in two years. We have been married for 12 years and during that time i have had two affairs which i truly regret. We have also had alot of fight due to me wanting to continue to keep arguing. She also says i am jealous and controlling which i admit i am. I am currently on a different medication and in consoling for what she says is wrong with me. Thing is since separating she tell’s me she has never had feelings for me like a wife should feel for her husband and that she thinks i am attractive but she is no longer attracted to me. She also says she is tired of trying with me and that she is tired and is done trying. Recently she asked me why i keep dragging out divorce and making it harder, i explained that i loved her and didn’t want a divorce and that if she did she would have to file. She currently doesn’t have the money to file but has asked me to do it civilly. At first she just said i was smothering her and she needed space but it has gone down hill since the second separation. I truly love my wife and want to make a better marriage but how. I have stopped calling her and haven’t heard from her in 5 days. Any suggestions on what i can do to reignite her feelings for me?
I am 36 she is 35
i have set her free if she wants a divorce she can file.
i understand what your saying bout letting her go. I had problems during the cheating thing and have since sought medical attention and that is no longer a prob.
she ask me when i let why i always waited till she left to change.
i love this woman with all my heart. i will never hurt her or our son again

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5 Responses to Can I Save My Marriage?

  1. Willa says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    You can’t cheat on a wife and expect her to love you. You made this mess and you have to be accountable for it. She clearly no longer wants to be married to you because you are not trustworthy. Pay for the divorce and let this woman make a happy life for herself. You have so trashed this marriage that there is no hope. Give it up. Make the divorce happen. It’s the only decent thing you can do for her at this point.

  2. Onya says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    Let her go man… let her be happy and just grant her a divorce so that she can move on with her life. It sounds to me that you could use a fresh start in your life as well. Cheating on someone is something that CAN take a lifetime to recover from and the fact that you did it twice goes to show that you didn’t care about your marriage. Move on and set her free…

    Good luck!

  3. TreyMacG says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    You cheated twice, and are mentally abusing her, that’s three strikes, your out! Give her the divorce….

  4. bull says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    JUST curios what is your age

  5. George says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    She doesn’t love you man, just give her the divorce you’ll find another woman.

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Can I save my marriage?

Posted on January 23, 2011 by admin

Well, I got married right out of high school and am now in college. I’ve been having problems for the last couple of months with my wife and I don’t know why we argue everyday. We never have sex anymore and when we do it’s like "hurry up and let’s get this over." I don’t want this to end but I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve talked to her, changed and tried things, but nothing works. Please any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks.

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9 Responses to Can I save my marriage?

  1. Sharon B says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    Every married couple goes through stages like you mention. You just caught up in the reality of life and its problems, money, bills, family etc. Talk to one another.

    Imagine meeting your wife in another situation i.e. your divorced and she’s with someone else if you find your unaffected by this then may be you don’t feel anything for your wife.

    You must talk anyway before one of you do something to hurt the other.

    Hope you can work things out. Good luck.

  2. Future Ph.D Paola says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    that is the reason that marriage before college is not a good idea.
    college is where you get to know who you are just take time for yourself to get to know yourself and love yourself. you guys could have just kept dating but no commitment yet because at that age its way too young.

    However now that you have committed yourself to her and til death do you part. Couples therapy should work for you too. You just need to go back to being her boyfriend. :]

    Treat her like you did when she was your girlfriend and when you guys couldnt stop smiling at eachother.

    But first sit down with her and tell her what you said here on Yahoo! and let her know how you are feeling. she should understand and want to make things better. keep trying at it. this is marriage hard but together you guys can do it.

    Things will change because you guys are changing. you are maturing and youre both viewing life differently. thats why you marry after college :[ U should have asked Yahoo! people before you proposed haha just kidding sorry. but really this is marriage its really hard but just let me know how you are feeling and if she loves you she will do anything to make this marriage work :]

    good luck :]

  3. Doc Love says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    Some these answers are just sad. Its no wonder family values are all but extinct. Cmon people. What happened to "till death do us part" and "for better or worse". At least give this young couple a fighting chance and give him some real advice before you start recommending divorce lawyers.

  4. Tam says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    Sorry you are having trouble. Every marriage has ups and downs. It is quite normal to go through times of doubt. I imagine that it is difficult to handle the challenges of married life while dealing with the challenges of college. Both require hard work and dedication. It would be easy to get overwhelmed. It sounds like maybe you both are just tired and have focused your priorities on anything but each other.

    I suggest you see a good marriage counselor, clergyman, etc. and discuss your feelings. You will both have to put a emphasis on your marriage if you are to overcome this hurdle in your marriage. It can certainly be done. Below is a link to a wonderful site full of information on healthy marriages. They have a great program (free) that emails you a step a week (for 10 weeks) to improve your marriage. I highly recommend it.

    http://marriage.about.com/mbiopage.htm

    Then, click on "Sign up for our newsletter" then on the newsletter you would like to receive. They are a very good resource. I cannot recommend them enough.

    Please remember why you married her. I am sure the woman you married is still there. Best wishes.

  5. sniper says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    Sometimes our lifestyle can alter our feelings for one another. Life can become hectic and it brings on stress. It’s hard to answer your question because you don’t mention what kind of problems you two may have, but if I had to guess I would say that maybe the two of you have different lifestyles and both have a busy life. You also have to accept that maybe this marriage isn’t meant to be. I do hope it all works out for the both of you. Divorce is a terrible thing. It is worst than death.

  6. elchistoso69 says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    My advice is to go to counseling together.

    Tell your wife thsat you’re not happy and you don’t think she is either, but that you love her and want to make this work.

    Tell her you want to go to a marriage counselor with her.

    If she refuses, that means she doesn’t want to work things out.

    Pack your bags and move on, if that’s the case.

    Chances are, both of you have issues and the full blame can’t rest on either of your shoulders. You need a mediator to find a solution. I suggest a marriage counselor. If not, try the pastor of your church, or a trusted mutual friend that you both believe will be objective in their opinions.

    Most importantly, you need to talk to her, and get this out in the open.

    El Chistoso

  7. lost says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    I understand and it doesnt sound like she wants to work this out so the best thing is to get divorced sit down and talk with her and ask if this is what she wants

  8. watimizit jack says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    if u dont have any kids then walk away man
    but if u do have kids then think about them
    its not about u if you have lil ones
    life is too short to be unhappy if you have no kids.

    move on to the next chapter of your life.

  9. rene1695 says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    You both are going to have to be willing to work and save the marriage. If not the no, it is a waste of time.

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Can I Save My Marriage?

Posted on January 23, 2011 by admin

Hi,

My Marriage is in danger. I am a working lady with two young children. There is a lot of work pressure in office and the recession is making things insecure. I am always very busy with work and cannot spend time with my kids and husband. This is creating a lot of tension in the house and my husband says, he has given up on me. We hardly have any warmth between us, its just fulfilling over commitments.
My marriage is falling apart, I want to Avoid a Divorce.
Can you please give me some Marriage Saving Tips / Advice. Do I need Marriage Counseling?

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11 Responses to Can I Save My Marriage?

  1. 2012soc says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    Your husband and children should come before work ALWAYS.

    Marriage counselling has an approximaely 80% failure rate. Fact!

    Seriously, this DVD series, if you order it and watch it with your husband, and if the two of you are willing to work on your marriage can save the marriage and family:

    http://shopping.laughyourway.com/laugh-your-way-seminar-dvd?utm_campaign=homeproducts&utm_source=lyw&utm_medium=web&utm_content=lywdvd

  2. rwmintheuae2002 says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    you need to discuss the issues with your husband. Counseling may be helpful.

  3. Maax G says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    Hi Rose,

    Yes, its high time you Save Your Marriage & Avoid Divorce. Marriage is something you have to work at. It won’t always be easy, and it even might not always be fun. But if you love your spouse and are committed to your marriage, you’ll make it through the rough times.

    Let me give you the top 5 marriage saving tips / advice that can help strengthen your union, prevent fights and help get you to that golden wedding anniversary.

    1) Communicate- Lack of communication is perhaps the biggest contributor to marriage breakdowns. When we stop communicating with each other, we invariably tend to drift apart.

    2) Ditch dishonesty. Whether it’s dishonesty about finances or extra-marital affairs, or even if you took the trash out, dishonesty can destroy a marriage.

    3) Keep the Romance going. The romance needs to be rekindled from time to time to have a successful married life. It is about doing something different, and taking the time to remind each other of your special bond.

    4) Make time for each other. It’s a hectic, busy world today. And if you let your relationship lip to the bottom of your to-do list, it can become predictable, which can lead to loss of interest in your partner.

    5) Male Space for each other. It is important to share your life with your spouse, but it is also important to give a bit of space that is so cherished by all people.

  4. Piglet says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    You start by MAKING time to have sex, every day. No excuses, like it or not.

  5. gabby says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    did the recession really hit you?? or is that an excuse? ( that hasn’t messed me up- we still eat ..) and the day of tomorrow you will still be ok. take time to see if you and he still really want to be together…… good luck

  6. Shelby Warren says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    Well you could try and try to talk with him, love on him, watch some movies with him.
    But i’m sorry hun if its been going on for a while like this then most likely you wont be able to stop anything.

  7. zoom says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    To save your marriage, start doing Everything you did with your man in the beginning of your relationship…. I am guessing it was spending a lot of time together, giving him compliments, smiling at him, laughing, taking care of him…. whatever you did back then worked enough to get him to marry you, so you know it works

  8. Richard says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    Okay Rose, this is really nothing from the other world, PAY ATTENTION, on to days day the american families need to work ( both ) specially for your children………..you need to talk to your husband and tell him how much you still love him, open your self to him and tell him, that you would do anything to maintain your marriage BUT if you need to quit your job, there will be less money, make him a participant of your concerns in this point and I am sure he will understand

    Good luck honey………And don’t forget the reason that you both got merry fo

  9. Agnostic Queen says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    what exactly is the problem here? It sounds like your feeding your family…… if thats the case suck it up butter cup (to husband)………. sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do to survive and if your suffering from the recession, sex and intimacy is the last thing you should be worrying about… banks and credit lenders showing up at your door to take your house and belongings should be something to focus on not happening rather than if your home for sex or a monopoly game with the family! I dont get people….. a spouse is out there busting their a$$ to keep the family afloat and they whine about not getting enough attention….. well, how good is attention if you live in a homeless shelter and have all sorts of roomies around you????? Tell your husband that this recession is temporary and you both have to sacrifice your personal pleasures to get through it… focus on being good parents and providers for now… you cant do it all….. the relationship sometimes has to go on the back burner… its okay to be friends and roomates until things settle out… just talk about it… check in once inawhile… dont resent one or the other for lack of attention… thats childish!

  10. lotusdell says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    you may have to decide between the job and your family….counseling would help, but where are you going to fit it in?

  11. Saifai says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    I would say that you could do with some marriage counseling. Sometimes, it’s really easy to find excuses to escape from stressful situations. You don’t realize you’re doing it until it’s almost too late. For your family’s sake, you need to make the time for them. When you don’t make the time, they’ll feel rejected. If you feel the need to ask about counseling, you already know the answer.

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Can I save my marriage?

Posted on January 23, 2011 by admin

My wife and I have only been married for 3 months. Two months ago, problems began to arise. I was, at the time, heavily addicted to online video games to the point I was beginning to not pay very much attention to her. She expressed her concerns for this habit as well as my pack a day cigarette habit and my widening waistline. Throughout the two years we were dating she was very adamant about the marriage and having children as soon as possible but as soon as she expressed these concerns she wasn’t entirely sure if children with me would be a good idea. Needless to say, two months later (right now), I’ve quit smoking, I no longer play online video games and I am going to the gym regularly. But she’s still not happy and is still finding new things wrong with me to get in the way of her plans for children. Is there anything I can do?

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6 Responses to Can I save my marriage?

  1. Duck says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:08 am

    just tell her directly .ask her to empathiz you more,and dont not always think about yourself,the marriage is kept by two persons.you have changed for her,why she doesnt make a change?

  2. amy s says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:08 am

    go to marriage counseling..i did it and found that communicating my concerns to my husband made me happy, and he had to listen to me because he was being held accountable by a third party. honestly the first 6th months of marriage is not always a fairy tale adjusting to living with someone is not easy…especially when your married cuz the deal is sealed you cant just move out like if you living with a bf or gf.

  3. fullofjoy08 says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:08 am

    Having children should have been discussed before marriage. This truly a joint decision. Its normal for couples to be at different points in the relationship. Couseling will be your best bet at this point. Think about it do you really want to bring children into an unstable enviorment? The focus right now should be repairing your new marriage

  4. Sierrakaty says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:08 am

    Gee – if you quit cigs and started working out and she’s still not happy, I sure wouldn’t have kids with her.

  5. margi says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:08 am

    pray!!!!! if you trust in God and you allow him to use you to be able to get your wifes love back – he will give you the desires of your heart. Please do anything and everything – fight for your wife. Ask God to help you be the man and to help her be the woman and the wife you want and he can make a strong marriage. Never too late never too hard or impossible God cannot do.

    Fight!!!

  6. Sleepy bum says:
    January 23, 2011 at 5:08 am

    This is a tough situation you are in for sure. After people get married they tend to settle into lazy mode. This isnt the case for you though.
    Dont listen to her when she insults you as she is prob just jealous you have gotten off your ass and done something about your health and she hasnt.
    To help her get motivated try to be positive to her about it and not hound her as this will make it worse.
    Give it time please she may come round soon.

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Can I save my marriage?

Posted on January 23, 2011 by admin

I have known my husband for 3 years been married for 2. I lied to him and told him i was pregnant let it go on for sometime knowing damn well i wasn’t.well i found it in my self to tell him the truth and he moved out was gone for about 2 months came back said he forgave me well its been almost a year and half since he has been back and now he has moved out again saying that when he looks at me he gets very angry about what i did.I HATE MYSELF FOR DOING THIS.But i said i was sorry and that’s all i can do i cant take it back.he says he loves me and cares for me but cant forgive me,we don’t have any kids together but i have 4 from a previous and so does he and 6 out of the 8 live with us…I want to save my marriage can someone help me please!!!!!!

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7 Responses to Can I save my marriage?

  1. dchst25 says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:54 am

    Don’t listen to anyone who tells you to get a divorce!!! If you are like me you’ve searched the web looking for any possible way to save your marriage. One night I was searching the web, I found a site called rejoiceministries.org. After reading hundreds of testimonies on the site I decided to stand for my marriage and to let God back into my life. As soon as I did that all the pain I was feeling started to melt away, I started to change into the husband God wanted me to be. I’m telling you this because I know the pain that you are feeling right now, I know that you want to save your family! If you truly want to save your marriage, then you can start with praying this prayer:

    Dear Lord, I know that I am a sinner and that I need Your forgiveness for all my sins. I believe that Jesus Christ died in my place to pay the price for my sins and that He rose from the dead. I now invite Jesus Christ to come into my life as my Savior. Thank You for making me Your child. Help me learn to follow Your will and Your way for the rest of my life. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

    God can save your marriage and your family! When I prayed to him and asked for a sign that he wanted to save my marriage while driving on the highway, 30 sec’s later a truck entered my lane right in front of me with the word "GOD" in huge letters on the trailer. God is one your side and hates Divorce according to the Bible, His Word.

  2. dharmyl says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:54 am

    Even in relationships, if we lie, we know how the opposite feels let alone your husband. You had no reason whatsoever to lie. He’s bin human with his reaction but i think u shld give him time coz his findin it really hard to believe you could do dat to him. Go for a marriage counsellor to seek help but i would want you to take it easy and give him more time to get over it. If he doen’t love you, he won’t feel bad. Because he loves you, he will come back to you. The key thing id for you not to lie to your husband again…
    All the best..

  3. XtrmlyBlsd says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:54 am

    Your husband will forgive you in time but sorry to say but it seems like your marriage may be over (even though its not what you want), there are some things that apologizing can’t fix and this is one of them the fact is you betrayed his trust.
    Think about how would you feel if you were trying to have a child or children with your husband and he has you thinking he wants the same thing only for you to find out (from him) that he can’t have anymore children because he had a vasectomy.
    Even though you and your husband have children they are from previous relationships, and your husband was probably looking forward to you and him having a child or children together and when you lied to him about being pregnant you might have hurt him worst then you ever thought you could.
    And by the way why would you lie about something as serious as that?

  4. ~*Honest Blunt Opinioner*~ says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:54 am

    if you were really sorry you would have never lied. gosh that’s alot of kids.

  5. ◄ ☻ 1 Hot Cancer ? ☻ ► says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:54 am

    I would leave you also lol
    lying about being preggo is no joke to me
    I would live alone

  6. im2ez4u says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:54 am

    Seek counseling and stop lying.

  7. Nikki ♥ says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:54 am

    It seems like he’s just making up an excuse to leave the marriage. I don’t think the pregnancy has anything to do with it.

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Can I save my marriage?

Posted on January 23, 2011 by admin

I love my husband very much we have a six month old son together and have been together (since we started dating it will be four years in october.) He was spoiled growing up and his mom did everything for him and now he won’t take out the trash won’t mow the lawn, won’t get off the couch to get his own drinks or snacks, i have to do it all. He works hard all week during the day but he isn’t so nice to me all the time. When he’s being nice and normal I love him we can have a conversation and act like we love each other, but most of the time he’s in a bad mood, he calls me names a lot but not to be mean necessarily but he still calls me names and he knows I hate it. Yesterday I called him and he told me he was working late and I found out today he was out drinking and fishing with his friends. I confronted him and all he had to say was how big a stupid bitch I was when all I do is wait on him hand and foot when he’s home. I want to save our marriage but I don’t know how.
I work full time monday through friday and he still expects me to be super woman at home

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  23. Can our marriage be saved? I am 6 mo. pregnant and ordered to be on bed rest. Which I haven’t really been doing. My husband is having a hard time with me not working. Since I have come home from the hospital he has voiced … Continue reading →...
  24. I need to fix my marriage? my husband has feelings for some one else but I think it is just lust because we have been married for 8 years and we where always happy until this happened he told her in front of me that he … Continue reading →...
  25. How can I fix my marriage? My husband and I split up 6 months ago and ever since i have been in nothing but dispare. We try to work it out and it always turns into a big fight. He loves to be with his family … Continue reading →...
  26. help marriage problems? wel my wife and i were having a good time in bed and i had my head down there..and she suddenly got the runs (diahrrea attack)….it jsut came shooting out very intensely almsot like a bullet.. anyways it splashed my … Continue reading →...
  27. how can i fix my marriage? my husband is a great person with everyone (but me)he dont cheat, drink, do drugs or hit me and hes good 2 my kids but i cant do anything right, we r always arguing, he thinks he dont do anything … Continue reading →...
  28. Im saving myself for marriage, what do u think? im 15 years old and im a virgin, i plan to stay that way untill im married, i have encountered a few people that hav scoffed at that idea, but the way i see it is that the person your … Continue reading →...
  29. shall i split up fom my wife or keep trying to save our marriage? my wife and i have been married 2 years been together 6,i moved her into my house which i have owned for the past 10years,when i first met my wife she was great,happy,fun,very loving,now she has no desire for me … Continue reading →...
  30. Would you dump a girl you really liked or loved because she was wanted to save sex for marriage? I’m afraid that once I tell the guy I like that I wont have sex with him until marriage that he’ll dump me.Yeah I know its old fazhioned but I want to wait....
  31. Islam and marriage! friend problem…? my friend and i are in the same English class and we are reading Romeo and Juliet! and tonight for hw we r suppose to write about true love and love at first sight! and i believe in this! but … Continue reading →...
  32. Marriage problem what to do? My wife and I our having a baby in about 5 months a while back I lost my job because we got married and my job didnt premit it. I had a real hard time finding a decent job for … Continue reading →...
  33. how can i fix my marriage? ok so here it is ive known my wife for 3 years and been married for 2..she told me 2 days ago that she doesnt love me, have feelings and she doesnt wanna be with anyone, she said she felt … Continue reading →...
  34. I need help stopping my wife from divorcing me!! i love her and i think she loves me help!? 14 years marriage 20 together then she wants to leave no i was mostly to blame how do i make her see i have changed?? I have set up marraige consuling and she refused she is very hardheaded and will … Continue reading →...
  35. When is it no use trying to save a marriage? I’m going to put it all down as smply as I can. He’s Australian and we live in the UK. He wants us to live in Australia. I lived there with him for a year and hated it. We have … Continue reading →...
  36. What can I do to help my marriage if my husband refuses to see a problem? my husband is almost certainly carrying some mental problems, he can be asleep and we will be all happy and then he wakes up and starts yelling at me for something off the wall without any reasoning or even while … Continue reading →...
  37. i’m 14 and i am planning to save sex for marriage, but i’m really scared? i’m so afraid of it b/c i know it’s gonna hurt when my hymen break and i know i’m gonna bleed. i’m sure when i get older i wont be so worried, but just thinking about it makes me feel … Continue reading →...
  38. Is it worth saving my marriage when my husbands verbal abuse has gone from worst to now extreme? Iv been married now for 2 unhappy abusive years and im already at the end of the rope, in trying to work things out in my marriage and have become really unhappy and now feeling even depressed in the sense … Continue reading →...
  39. Am i afraid of marriage…or is it a deeper problem? i will be 21 this year, i own my own home I work 3rd shift about an hour away from where i live. The past 3 years have been difficult in my world. I had a boyfriend that left for … Continue reading →...
  40. Can my marriage be saved or do i let it go? I have been married for 8 years. At first it was the most wonderful feeling I have ever had..or for anyone. About 2 years into our marriage, my step kids came to live with us. Hubby stayed gone all day … Continue reading →...
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30 Responses to Can I save my marriage?

  1. mstngpride2 says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    Hello there, I read your message on another forum, but I’d like to help you here aswell. It seems that you husband may not be sure what he is feeling, he is most likely angry with himself. I have reviewed a book that deals with situations like this, if your husband is verbally abusing you, or you think he is cheating on you. This guide might be the right one for you. You can view this guide at http://www.comegetanswers.com. I wish you the best of luck!

  2. thalib says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    In your case you need third party to talk to your husband about the responsible as a husband. Actually be a husband is not easy. Get a counselor maybe this guy can help you, try http://onlinemarriagecounseling.info

  3. BA says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    WOW, I am going through the same exact thing right now. I have 2 babies 11 months apart and my husband is also lazy. His mother spoiled him and now I have to deal with it. I work as well plus I take care of the kids 98% of the time, along with the house and laundry and shopping, etc… He puts me down too, he calls me names and then says he was joking and thinks that makes it ok. Nothing I do is enough or good enough for him and I am sick of it!
    I am not sure what to tell you to do, but right now I am not speaking to my husband. I have decided that I am not going to talk to him or acknowledge his existence (including not picking up after his sloppy ass) until he says he is ready to make some changes. If that does not happen I am packing up the kids and staying at my parents. Hopefully that will make him realize that he wants his wife and kids around. If not then I am moving on because you only live one life and I want to live a happy one and you should too! Good luck!

  4. Rose J says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    Sweetie, from a woman who has had that same experience. Pack him up, and send him BACK to his mother!! Your husband is expecting you to treat him like his mom, he might as well go back to living with her. You are his wife, not his slave. Even though he isn’t hitting you, he’s verbally and emotionally abusing you and you need to get away from that. You can raise your child on your own, you won’t be the first or last woman to do so, its what we’re made for: raising children, not grown ass men!! Your responsiblity is to your son, that should be your main concern, and I’m sure you don’t want your son to grow up watching his father treat you so disrespectfully do you? Your husband has to want to change and you have to be strong. Someone told me that if you ask someone to change because he/she is doing something that hurts you, if they do it ,its because they care, if not and they STILL do, its because they don’t care.

  5. break4garfield says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    A marriage is what you put into it, and one person can not do it alone.

    He isn’t going to change, he is who he is because you allow him to treat you like that. It doesn’t matter how hard you try, because if he doesn’t see it then he isn’t going to change.

    Remember you are a beautiful person, find peace in your self and it will shine through. Once, you start to work on your inner self it will not go unnoticed.

    Good luck, if you find out a magic trick to change him, let me know, cause I know how you feel.

    LIVE,LOVE,LAUGH*

  6. misselizabethds says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    Read the book, "Why men love bitches"

    It will change your life. According to the book, you’re doing everything wrong.

  7. PaulFran says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    The perils of young love rears it’s ugly head.. You guys fell into a big problem.. And now you have a child involved.. Your man is immature and was no where near ready for a family.. Im sorry but things are not going to get better.. Hopefully you have the support of your parents available. I hope im wrong but your man has allot of growing up to do and needs to do it fast. Not only for your sake but the sake of your child.

  8. ScSpec says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    Your husband is inconsiderate, rude, abusive and a liar and apparently gets away with it. He may be the type that is only as good as he has to be, and so far he doesn’t have to make any effort it seems. It will only get worse unless you take steps now to show him that you won’t be his door mat.

  9. PregO Nurse 15 weeks says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    Okay let me start off with saying so what if he was spoiled growing up, if he wants a maid he needs to go back to his mommy’s house, because he is a big boy now and he has responsiblites in life. and making his wife do everything around the house isn’t fair at all. You need to make sure he understands that when two people live together everything is 50/50 and that’s what it takes to make it work. Now, make sure you tell him he doesn’t have to do everything but atleast his share. I would have a really hard time with any man calling me a stupid b*tch because I did everything for him, that shows right there that he doesn’t appreciate what your doing for him. Maybe he doesn’t take time to realize what all you do, because he is a SPOILED baby but reguardless of how he was raised, his been with you for 4 years and he should learn to appreciate you and everything you do! Now, also let him know that the communication between the two of you is lacking if he is going out that’s fine, but atleast he should of called to let you know what was going on, so you won’t have to worry. Let him know that you do love him VERY much, but the way he is treating you is very unacceptable, and no matter what in life he has responbilites and one of those is working yes, his tired. We all are tired after work, but I can promise you I’m not an asshole to my husband when I get home from work, that’s not neccessary at all. Let him know all of these things and let him know that you can’t continue on like this.

    Best of luck to you honey..

  10. Bruce _the_Moose says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    counseling,

    but to be honest, your a maid with sexual privlages. its not going to get better without help.

  11. April says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    It is not as complicated as you think.

    First of all, understand that he is TIRED, and when he is tired he will be in a bad mood and will need time ALONE to rest and wind up. So, when he comes back home, leave a soda or snack at his seat near the tv, and go out to exercise, or buy groseries, or walk the baby around the block, or go to your bedroom and do a pedicure to yourself or take a bath.

    Leave him alone. Give him space to calm his mind down.
    Just as he needs time on his own to rest, you need time on your own to rest too. If you can afford it, pay someone to take care of the baby for a couple of hours so that you can get your haid done, or simply take a good nap, whatever you need. Babies are exhausting. So, it is not surprising if you both get angry very easily. You both are tired.

    Also, get a part time job or study something, so that while he is out working you are out working too or doing something worthy as well. It is not that taking care of the baby is not a good thing or enough work for a person. The problem is that staying home all day long can turn anybody crazy. You need to go out and be and feel productive outside the home. You have to have a life on your own!! and now that the baby is young it is the right time to start doing it, because it is the best time for him to get used to be at a day care. Otherwise your husband and the baby will get used to have you only at home and you will get crazier and more frustrated over time. It doesn’t have to be a full time job, a part time job will make it and will give you some extra money to pay daycare and spend whenever you want.

    About him calling you names, don’t respond to him when he does call you names. Behave as if you didn’t hear anything. The more you tell him it bothers you, the more he will do it because you keep on answering. Don’t fight, just behave as if you didn’t hear anything until he calls you your name or he stands up and gets what he needs.

    Finally, your marriage is not in danger. You don’t have to think of divorce yet. You have to think of strategies to make him feel free and also loved. Start playing with different ways of approach him, see what works, and see what doesn’t. See what moments are the best to be with him and what moments you will have time on your own. Be smart!! You have all the tools (the sex, the kindness, the jokes, the flattering, the baby, the love) to deal with him and guide him in the way you want.

    Don’t dispair, play the game! use your tools!!
    Remember skill and kindness will take you longer than yelling and insults. Play smart!

  12. angelswife says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    Guess what??? its your fault. You catered to him when u were dating him u probably thought it was cute. But now its not cute anymore. U have made a monster a giant now and now u want to leave him?? He is abusive mean and unloving this u knew b 4 u married him as well but it didnt stop u from saying "i do" so guess what??? u r unhappy he makes u miserable because he hates himself and misery loves company. u already know the answer plan your exit seperate until he gets it together. show him u r a strong independant woman who will not stand any type of abuse or using, he will change and he will be back but first move is on you

  13. ibuildfuru says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    You married a very flawed little boy who hasn’t been probably reared into a man. His mother enabled him, probably because she saw her role as nothing more than servant and maid and I’d bet his father treated her the way he’s treating you.

    This is now the twenty-first century, most of society has come around to accepting that women are human beings deserving of respect just like men are.

    With that in mind you need to stop allowing him to control and start taking control yourself.

    First off, stop being around to wait on him hand and foot. Tell him that god gave him arms and legs and to use them, remind him he’s an intelligent man (I’m assuming here) and that he can figure out how to get a beer, fold the laundry, cook a burger and do the dishes once in a while or (depending on chore – like beer fetching) always.

    You weren’t born to be a maid to any man, you are a sentient, intelligent human being with potential and a world of things to offer the world. Who is he to assume otherwise?

    A marriage is a sharing experience, not slavery.

    Refuse to serve him or service him at his command. Tell him that from this point forward his behavior must change as you are not happy in the relationship.

    If he doesn’t care or even goes so far as to tell you "So what, go away then." Don’t crumble, more than likely its a scare tactic designed to get you to back off and go back to the old ways. Don’t fall for it. Stand your ground, he’ll have baby fits (because he’s a baby).

    Whether or how long you wish to put up with temper tantrums, controlling behavior and insults is your decision. I hope you will make the decision that will make you happiest.

    There is no marriage to "save" if all you have is pieces of pain and sorrow.

  14. Delilah says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    Relationship between sons and moms can be very unhealthy sometimes, especially if you are dealing with a mother-in-law that doesn’t want to share her boy with anyone. However it doesn’t seem that your husband is a completely lost cause. May be he is having a hard time adjusting to having a new baby in his life. Whatever the cause of his behavior, you should not let him treat you this way. If you really want to save your marriage, you need to sit down and confront him, don’t scream, create tantrums, sit down and explain that you need help and that you can’t do everything around the house on your own with a six month baby. In case you don’t work (which is totally normal for a mother with a six month baby) and your husband uses it as an argument for why he doesn’t want to help you around the house, since he is the sole provider of the family, let him know that in the United States raising a child is equivalent of earning 80,000 dollars a year. Also if he is calling you names and you don’t like it, confront him and tell him that it has to stop and he needs to grow up. Finally don’t wait on him hand and foot all the time. Give him some duties around the house too. If he sees that he can use you and emotionally abuse you without you saying anything to defend yourself your marriage will fail. You need to stand up for yourself. You need to explain what you need out of the relationship. Make it clear to him that you also need a day off because with a baby, cleaning, washing and all the other responsibilities you don’t have a weekend to sit around or go fishing. Make a schedule on a saturday to get out with your girlfriends for at least a few hours. If your husband loves you, and you start talking to him about what’s going on your relationship will become better. If he won’t see your side and won’t try to help you, really consider if you need a man like that in your life you don’t want two babies around the house.

  15. K D says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    Hate to say it but it sounds like this guy may be stepping out on you. I would do some sleuthing into that. The lying about where he is, the nastiness, the drinking are all signs that I wouldn’t be ignoring. My guess is he is not that great a father either. His need to berate you and belittle you is emotional abuse. His inability to take care of the most menial of male responsibilities proves him to be less than stellar husband/father material. Things will most likely not change much especially if he has no desire to change. This is the male model your son will follow. It’s sad and pathetic. However, you married him knowing that he was a spoiled and immature and now you seemed surprised. What did you expect? That was your own mistake and now your son will pay for that unless you make some positive changes in your life. Do yourself a favor and run. This is not a marriage worth saving and you can find a good man who will treat you well and be a good father to your son. Good luck!

  16. ABCD says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    you won’t get any respect until you demand it. don’t settle for this junk. you have to believe that you deserve better then demand that he treat you better or risk growing old alone.

  17. rkt2 says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    Assuming that he isn’t threatening you or anything, you should talk to him honestly about it. You have a right to be treated like an equal person.
    There is nothing wrong with a man wanting to be served sometimes by his wife at home, but it sounds like you’re willing to do this. And he needs to understand that it’s not a right. It’s something you do because you’re grateful for the work he does. But he still needs to pull some of his own weight at home. Do something for you at home too. Treat you with respect as any wife should be treated.
    Home isn’t just a palace for him. Taking out the trash isn’t exactly running a marathon. You two have a child, and though it’s really important for him to have both a father and a mother, if you’re not being treated as an equal and not just a servant he may not have this luxury. And what will he grow up believing about women when his father is his model for how to be a man?

  18. Dee says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    WOW. If he is trying to push you away, he’s doing a good job isn’t he?
    Have you thought about playing his game and trying to catch him with his hand in the cookie jar per sae? But he seems like a donkey…….you can’t do this alone, he has to try to.
    Hey, maybe video him and then let him see himself being a turd, if that doesn’t work, call Dr. Phil.

  19. Dreamy says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    sounds like a d****

  20. Sue C says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    He seriously needs to grow up period. He’s acting like a child & a spoiled brat at that! Unfortunately, you’re not going to be able to change him, he has to change himself. Maybe if you stop doing so much for him, it w/force him to grow up. Oh yes, of course he’s going to be mad at you. But I’d tell him you’re sick of rasing two children at this point in time, & you’re going to do what a wife does in the home, but you’re not going to do his end of the chores that most mature/responsible men do. The more you do, the more he’s going to take. Stop giving so much of yourself to him. He’s got to learn to grow the heck up & be a man, husband, & a father. Other than that, I don’t know what more you can do. Tell him too, you don’t appreciate him calling you names like a child would do. Start acting like a man for a change, & he’ll get more respect from you…All the best to you…:)

  21. carvaz4611 says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    you don’t say if you work or not, if you don’t and he is the only provider give him credit, as far as him going fishing w/ friends if he actually did just ask him to tell you where he’s going, he may not have gone fishing, the question is, do you trust him? if you have any doubts DO NOT accuse him, check it out first and then confront him, Try and communicate w/him. As far as him calling you names let him know you don’t appreciate it but do it in a loving way. Good luck.

  22. hello says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    Number one I would quit waiting on him hand and foot! Sometimes no matter how crazy it sounds the more you give and the more they take..and resentments build up on both sides…I do not know if he is open to marriage counseling..that would be a step in the right direction…sounds like there may be a control issue….self esteem…so even if he will not go to a counselor..you can go yourself…….get some tips…the marriage vows say till death do us part…..as long as you still love him..and he is not being abusive…do what ever you can…best of luck…

  23. moonapaloona says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    Honey Im a christian woman and I must tell you the lord would want you to be the best wife possible. Im married and have had issues in my own marriage. Thats what marriages are ups and downs not all happy go lucky all the time. I like that you want to make it work. I would give him his time and cut him some slack. I know its hard and if the grass grows up to the sky Id let it. You have enough with a child. I would just tell him honey Im sorry I dont have the energy to mow the lawn or do yard work. Can you do it in your spare time. Work it out for your son. Today peps are too soon to call it quits. I have had several times when I wanted to throw in the towel. I have a beautiful child who needs both of his parents together. Ive had ups and downs but I love my family and spouse. There are times I wanted to strangle him for playing basketball or golf too long. Just realize at least he is fishing and not at a strip club or with another woman. Just occupy yourself honey! Its hard but get in a mommy group or do something fun with that baby of yours. Just kill him with kindness and the worst thing I think a woman can do is nag. Im the mother of all naggers! Choose your battles wisely.

  24. jude says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    not unless he is willing to change, and no one can change someone else. u married an immature boy who doesn’t want the life he has, he would rather be single and carefree, without responsibility.he name calls because he doesn’t value u as he should and he is trying to disconnect from u so he name calls and picks fights as a way of convincing himself the marriage is no good.

  25. d_barton_jr5656 says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    This can be a tricky situation but it will continue. This is a pattern that is repeating somewhere look at how his dad treated his mom (or even how he treated her), or do some self examining and ask yourself is this how my mom or dad were treated. So if you want it to stop there is a long road to go down starting with you standing up for yourself, and not backing down when he gets pissed. Like any animal hell get up when hes hungry or thristy . You seem like a lovely and nice woman, don’t waste your life on someone who isn’t willing to make you feel as special as you feel you are.

  26. Liz says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    You married a spoilt, immature, rude little brat, and now it’s four years later and you wonder why you’re married to a spoilt, immature, rude little brat. What did you expect – that he would magically change once that ring was on his finger? Why you would even want to save this so-called marriage is beyond me. You should be doing everything you can to get out of it as quickly as you can. Remember that children learn by their parents’ examples. Do you want your son to grow up into the same kind of moron his father is?

  27. deadralou says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    you should look at dr.laura she is really smart on things like this there is a book called the proper care and feeding of husbands it’s starting to help me. God expects us to love our men and take care of them. If you don’t work then i would say taking care of the house is your job and if he thought he had to lie to you to spend sometimes with the boys maybe you are not giving him enough freedom to have masculine relationships and you start giving him respect for what he does and he will start giving you the love you deserve. Men do not deal with lovey emotions they deal more in feeling love when we women respect them. Give it a shot.

  28. lemon.tart says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    You can save your marriage if he is willing to go to counseling and understand how his behavior is destroying his family. If he is man enough to look inside himself and confront his own faults and work on correcting them, then he cares enough about you to work on your marriage. If not, then things will only get worse, not better.

  29. Laurie M says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    Yikes! Take a stand. Stop serving him and do what you want to do. No one deserves to be called names. Thats not how you treat someone you actually love.

  30. Holly W says:
    January 23, 2011 at 4:39 am

    Sounds to me that he is having an affair on you. Tell you what next time he says he is going fishing put a pair of your underwear in the tackel box. If he says nothing to you about it…he didn’t go fishing ;-)

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Can I save my marriage?

Posted on April 26, 2010 by admin

my husband of 5 years(been together 10) left 4 days ago. I had recently discovered a relationship he was having with a women (married with 2 kids) from work. He says all they did was talk about being together but haven’t had a physical relationship. He told me the day he left that he didn’t know how he felt about her but that he loved me and didn’t want a divorce, just time to think. The next day he told me that he loved her and hadn’t loved me in years. We have a 22 month old son together. needless to say, I was devastated. My husband always writers me letters every holiday or anniversary and sometimes just because. In these letters he tells me how much I mean to him, that just looking at me makes his day brighter, that God sent me to him, that if he is having a bad day he looks at me and knows that everything will be alright because we are together, etc..He wrote one of the sweetest ones just last month. there are so many other things between us that I won’t bore any one on here with, but what I’m getting at is that I in no way believe that he stopped loving me years ago. i believe that marriage isn’t always perfect and we can let the little things or big problems, like finances, get to us. i also believe that he is infatuated(not in love) with this other woman. I will make no excuses for the cheating. I told him that he must have no contact with this woman and he may have to transfer. I am willing to work through our problems, seek counseling and start to rebuild our trust and save our family. I told him he had three options. he could (A.) tell me that he is sure it is over and wants to proceed with a divorce, (B) tell me that he is sure that he wants to try and work it out, or (C) have a few more days to think about it.i told him this tonight and he told me he needed time to think and that we would talk on Friday. i believe that he will choose divorce, i just couldn’t throw in the towel until i tried to salvage our family. my question is, was i crazy to try to do this or was too much damage done. i feel kind of pathetic. after all, he betrayed me and left. i told him that i didn’t want him back out of guilt or obligation, I only wanted him back if he believed our marriage was worth saving. I’m curious about what others think of this situation
I agree that actions speak louder than words. Like I said , I would not go into every detail but i honestly never doubted that my husbnd was in love with me. I was completely blindsided when all this came down.

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9 Responses to Can I save my marriage?

  1. 1sttimer says:
    April 26, 2010 at 8:06 am

    The answer is YES you can save your marriage.

    BUT,.. probably not now.

    I am sorry for your experience. It is such a SHOCK,.. after all the nice letters and stuff.

    So, now after the shock of course you are confuse. our brain is just like our body system. Too much pain then we’ll go into shock, and fainted and after that we’re confuse.

    I was in shock when knowing my bf slept with other woman. I went to his place and knocked on the door and heard noise, which was his and other girl’s voice. They didn’t open the door, and so I left. The maid in his place knew all that all along and she felt good that finally I found that out.

    The good thing in your situation is that now you know, right?
    All the nice words are just words apparently.

    I’d say, just let him stray away from you rite now. Just file separation or divorce. There will be 6 months waiting period anyway, while you two would just going to think whether it is the right thing to do or not.
    Meanwhile you may want to or maybe find someone to be with who’ll be true in his words and action.

    Rite now, accept the reality that he doesn’t love you rite now this time. (I am so sorry to be so straight forward). Take your time as much time as you need for your brain to digest this shocking reality.

    You don’t have to decide anything a or b or c.. But file with the court house for separation would help. I mean, to protect you and your baby.

    If I were in your shoes, which I think I did, with my bf in the past, .. he obviously doesn’t love me, so I’d just let him go.

    I’ll pray for you

  2. Mimi_308 says:
    April 26, 2010 at 8:06 am

    Honestly, there should be nothing to think about, he should already know what to do, I think that it is an excuse to keep doing what he is doing and figure out a way to keep both sides, there is no doubt that he still has feelings for you of course he does. You two been together for 10 years, you guys are family!! Now this other woman in the picture is telling him things, that you don’t know what she is saying to him to make him confused, or continuing to want her. I think that you need to get more aggresive and a backbone and make the choice for him, you should not deal with this, it will continue to happen, you are being to easy on him… I’m sorry but it is true!! Men will continue this until they loose what is the most important thing to them and right now he is blinded by what is right for him, ( you and your child ) and he will not realize that until you are gone!! I have been in the same situation, my husband had several affairs on me, yes and I learned the hard way, don’t put yourself throught that kind of pain, it’s not worth it!! He has done this to his family, not you!! As hard as it may be, cut him loose, let him go and be stern, don’t accept any excuse. When I cut my husband loose and didn’t want to hear anymore excuses, I moved on and them he realized what he lost and tried for years to get back his family, I gave him one last chance after his 3 years of pleading, since then her has NEVER done anything to jeopardize our family and life together since. I thought that I could give hima chance after chance when he’s tell me he was confused..etc… I wanted it to work, but them I realized that it wasn’t me that had to try to make it work , it was him…he has to realize that, and sadly for the majority of men, they have to loose what is most important for them to understand it… Stay strong…God Bless

  3. LivTyler says:
    April 26, 2010 at 8:06 am

    throw away such a shallow partner!!

    But since you have his kid, U should do your best to mend relationship with him for the future of his kid.. Ask your husband how he would feel, If his child was being raised without one of parents.
    I’m sure he won’t opt for divorce.

  4. she's here says:
    April 26, 2010 at 8:06 am

    since you found out and he left. Now he has what he really wants. And that is to test the waters with the other woman. He can’t be trusted. Please tell me how you found out. I may have the same problem, but can’t get the proof. Good luck to you

  5. trixiepixie69 says:
    April 26, 2010 at 8:06 am

    It is so refreshing t hear someone who wants to work hard to fix the marriage instead of just cutting and running. Bravo. No one seams to care about the "for better or worse" part of the VOWS. I hope everything works out for you and your husband realizes what a catch you are and that the grass is never greener over the fence.

  6. Natasha says:
    April 26, 2010 at 8:06 am

    give him time and when you are ready make you decision

    regardless of what happens between both of you…you need to keep in mind your son that is entitled to the care of both parents…keeping a healthy friendship amongst both of you and not expose him to anything is crucial

    how long are you willing to wait? til he runs off with her…you have to make a choice…it dosent all rest in his hands

  7. Патрик says:
    April 26, 2010 at 8:06 am

    I feel very sorry for you and your situation. No, I would never trust this man again… he never cheated? do you really believe that? and even if he transfers, that means he wont find a new woman to cheat with? this man is not meant to be in a relationship. its a personal decision and your choice, but if a woman did the same to me, there is no second chance….no matter how long we were together

  8. Kim says:
    April 26, 2010 at 8:06 am

    hi my name is kimberly and i am a licensed psychic and tarot card reader and i do feel very strongly that he still loves and cares for you and that you guys have a very strong soulmate connection and are meant to be together. to be honest with you idon’tt really feel like things are at the place where its meant to be in your relationship . if you areinterestedd in a reading and want to see where things are going and what you can do to fix it email me kimrobertduke@yahoo.com

  9. Wisen Smart says:
    April 26, 2010 at 8:06 am

    My ex used to write letters that would make Shakespeare cry, I learned to only believe in actions, not words nor letters, he turned out to be the biggest bastard walking this earth and a compulsive cheater.

    Just move on with your life, hanging on to ghosts is not going to get you anywhere.

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Can I save my marriage?

Posted on April 26, 2010 by admin

I’ve been w/ my husband for 5 years, married for 2 and have a 2 month old son. My husband and I started our relationship of rocky but after some time, we were happily in love and decided to marry. Fast forward to my pregnancy. My husband decided 3 months after I got pregnant that he "didn’t want to be w/ me" and went out everynight. Girls started calling him/texting him etc. but he told me I was paranoid and that they were just his friends. He would call me stupid, dumb ass etc and yell at me for snooping through his phone but I just didn’t trust him anymore. I started counseling and he even came to a few sessions..things seemed better. Now our son is here and is 2 months old and some of these things have started again. There is one specific girl who he is calling/texting again.. and he got mad b/c I found out b/c I had this feeling..and looked in his phone again. The messages were very innappropriate. He of course blamed me, cursed me out. We argue about our son a lot too. He says
that everything the doctor says is stupid..like placing the baby on his back for bed. He says that we shouldn’t worry, just put him on his stomach..but I fear SIDS. He says I overeact about that too. Any idea I suggest is dumb. Anything I want to do to spend time w/ him is dumb. I feel like the only time he wants to spend time w/ me is to have sex..but there is no love or compassion in our relationship anymore. When I try to talk about it..I’m overeacting or being stupid..but this is how I feel. I love him, I love my son and I want this to work but I feel that nothing is there anymore..at least on his end.

OH and mind you he is unemployed at the moment w/ no job since January, I work, I pay the bills, etc and he just plays videogames and hangs w/ his "friends"… is there any hope?? And if I want him to get out, how can I if he won’t go away?? :(

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11 Responses to Can I save my marriage?

  1. Stephen K says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    Try to make that time good what he spends at home, and do not care about anything that is out of the home. Never check his phone, etc. If this enough to keep him at home that time what is essential for saying that you are a functional family, then stay with him. If not, than it is better to kick him out. Again: do not deal with that what he does out of the house. The matter is always that what he does when he is at home.

  2. MiZz SaAk says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    get your baby and leave…i feel for you…nobody needs to go thru this…he is doing this right infront of your face…as to say…i dont care about you nor my child…get a lawyer and leave him…theres other guys out there that would love to be with you…i wish you the best of luck!!!

  3. Sad_Dad says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    I’m sorry but it sounds like your husband is a very immature loser. It sounds like you’re making the effort but his heart just isn’t in it. I know it sucks but you should seriously consider giving him an ultimatum to shape up, stop flirting with anything that moves, and get a job, or cut your losses and move on. My wife & I have issues, but I would never solicit flirting/cheating like it sounds like your husband is. Take courage and do what is right / in the best interests of your son, even if it will cause serious turmoil & heartache in the short term. Life is long and you’ve only been married 2 years. If your husband isn’t mature enough to see he has a problem or response to couselling now it’s unlikely he’ll "get it" later… Sticking with him might be worse than making a clean break and starting over (although this would not be easy with an infant). On a lighter note we have 3 kids and they all slept on their stomachs; I think the SIDS thing is way over-sensationalized by the media… Good luck all the best.

  4. GarnetAir says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    Is this question for real? Cause, really, the answer is so obvious! Leave his sorry butt, and don’t look back! Next time, don’t marry someone when it’s starting out as rocky…

    He has no respect for you, and you *shouldn’t* have any respect for HIM! Now, why would you even be conflicted about this, again? He’s not supporting you or your son, he doesn’t even *emotionally* support you; calling you names, ignoring your VALID concerns about placing a baby on his/her stomach (A BIG NO), and, playing video games all day?

    I’m sorry, but you need counseling, ASAP. I’m not being rude; I’m concerned for your son, and the example you two are setting for him… Remember, any idiot can donate sperm or carry a baby and give birth, but it takes a real man or woman to RAISE a child, and do a good job… Your husband is not doing any such thing; he’s behaving like a loser… Good luck, but please don’t stay with him… Move on and be free.

    *edited to add* You get him out by calling the police, if need be, and getting a restraining order… Or just pack up and move… A will, a way.

  5. Leslie A says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    You need to put your foot down now give in one month to change or get out or you leave with baby. You are supporting 3 of you now two should be a piece of cake.

    You have to do what you feel in your heart. I have been there exactly where you are and it sucks trying to decide what to do. You have to decide if you are ready for the struggle of being a single parent. For me, I woke up one morning and decided I would rather be single and happy than married and lonely and miserable. Yes it is possible to live in a house with 4 other people and be lonely. My kids were two girls 3 and 1 1/2 and a boy 6 months old. You can do it if you choose to. Everyone I was close to thought I was crazy, asking how you going to do it alone with 3 small kids? I just replied I already am anyway. And I did not have the type of parents I could call and say hey can you babysit for a few hours and my sister lived 6 hours away. So I was really alone. I would visit parents but they would never babysit etc. I made the decision and never second guessed it. It was best thing I ever did for myself and my kids.

    Here is a paper my daughter oldest daughter who is now 16 wrote for school last year. When I read it I realized every moment, every sacrifice and even every struggle was worth it and still is. I hope you realize it i will be if you decide to also.

    Courtney S.

    February 4,2007

    A Mother like No Other

    The person who has influenced my life the most is my Mother. I chose to write about her simply because she has been everything in my life. She is an educated loving Mother, who has basically been a single parent to me and my three siblings for most of our lives. My Mother graduated from High School and further extended her education in college. She holds a degree in Business and a nursing license. She married my Father at the age of twenty-one and had me at the age of twenty-two. My parents divorced when I was three years old. After the divorce there was never once a moment when she didn’t express her love for me or the importance of doing well in school, being involved and seizing every opportunity. My Mother is the reason I have achieved so many of my goals in my life so far, such as, doing well in school, class president, joining sports teams, and success in music in am in concert , jazz and marching band. As I continue to grow up more things are added to my already busy schedule. Without my Mother I wouldn’t be the person I am now. Without her sacrifices of things she wanted or needed I wouldn’t have been able to seize so many opportunities. In order to be present in our lives my Mother would often take lower paying nursing jobs with more flexible schedules. She always made sure she was available whenever we needed her. Whether we needed a ride or just her support and attention she is always there. Now that I am older it is easier for me to see all that she has really done and how it has affected my life. She has taken the time to teach me that the only person responsible for my happiness and success in life is me. She told me that if I truly want something then to go after it. I was told not to let anything or anyone hold me back. I grew up knowing that I could become anything I wanted. Not only did she tell me all of this, she followed through with it. She supports my dream to graduate from High school, go to college, study medicine, become a doctor and help people. No matter what my goal is she is always there supplying support, from the smallest goal of getting a role in a play to the greatest goal of becoming a doctor. Besides all of the facts I mentioned there is something greater that my Mother has taught me. My Mother has and continues to teach me how to love. Everyday of my life I learn something new about being a mother or loving someone. Without my Mother I wouldn’t know what love really is. I do not think I will ever be able to thank her enough for all the support and love she has shown me over the years, and all the years to come. I love her and she is without a doubt the biggest influence in my life.

    Good luck getting divorced was the hardest decision I ever made but it was the best one also.every sacrifice every struggle was worth it. I met a wonderful man 12 years ago and married him 4 years ago. Good luck and remember God never gives up more than we can handle. Try going to http://www.joycemeyers.org I start my morning every day with my coffee watching her show on line ( no commercials that way) and you can watch it when you have time.just click watch episode and you can then click previous episodes is you want to watch ones with topics of interest for you. She is a best selling author and speaker who has a show called "enjoying everyday life". she talks about real life things we as adults go through like marriage, kids, chores, bills how to be a confident woman, making a fresh start, forgiveness, forgeting the past and more. She is funny, down to earth and amazing. And also when I watch some how amazingly it is just what I need to hear that day. you can also click previous episodes and watch ones you missed. she has gotten me through some rough times and she will help you too I am sure. good luck! I hope this helped you.

  6. Jeanie says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    Get rid of him, he’s retarded, not mature enough to be a father and doesn’t want the responsibility of doing anything other than being a jerk off.

  7. Cathy says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    I am not going to tell you like everyone else usually does-couseling or dump him. I will be honest to you and tell you I know where you are coming from and I will say if he will not listen to a single word from you then sit down and write him a very long letter telling him exactly how you feel about everything and see how he react’s, if he love’s you then he will realize what he is doing and stop but if he doesn’t then that just shows that he doesn’t care a flip about you and it is time to move on but that you will have to decide from your heart. You are not stupid , the sids is very sersious and there is alot of babies that do die from this everyday and you are being the best mother you can be and listening to the doctor is the best thing there is. And if he is always having interest in other girl’s then why don’t you start the same. Have men text you the same way the girls text him and show him how it really feel’s. Turn the game around on him, do everything that he is doing to you and he will more an likely if he loves you,get jealous and mad and he will stop his childess stuff. It’s always different when the women do it. Other wise if he shows nothing then that tells you right there that 40 year’s fromknow you are going to be doing the same thing as you are right know with him and you deserve so much better then that, you deserve a man that will be faithful,devoted and trustworthy to you and care for you, right along with respect hun. so please do yourself a favor and think about your future and your childs future. Do you really want your child to see his/her father like this toward you and grow up like that toward women and you. Your child is going to see how daddy treats mommy and think that it is ok and their going to do the same. you really need to think about it.

  8. sayasyoulike says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    divorce

  9. Elaine S says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    Why would you want a husband that treats you that way? Is that really how you want your son to grow up seeing you be treated like crap and learning t treat women that way? If he isnt willing to talk about it then get someone who will love and respect you and treat you the way you should be treated instead of staying with someone like him. And tell him to get off his ass and go find a job because you shouldnt be the one having to pay for everything. He should be helping support the family. And if he isnt willing to do that then pack his bags for him and tell him to go to the girl he has been texting and calling and see if she will let him like that and have her support him. Dont put up with being treated like crap by men. You dont deserve it and it teaches your son some bad lessons.

  10. Jordan M says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    Leave. You are fighting a losing battle. Marriage is not supposed to cause pain and as you already know (or should know) love does not hurt.

  11. viola f says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    pick up your child…go to a good lawyer ….get total separation and good child support and don’t look back….he will not change…and as long as you act like a door mat he will use you for one.

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Can I save my marriage?

Posted on April 26, 2010 by admin

I’ve been w/ my husband for 5 years, married for 2 and have a 2 month old son. My husband and I started our relationship of rocky but after some time, we were happily in love and decided to marry. Fast forward to my pregnancy. My husband decided 3 months after I got pregnant that he "didn’t want to be w/ me" and went out everynight. Girls started calling him/texting him etc. but he told me I was paranoid and that they were just his friends. He would call me stupid, dumb ass etc and yell at me for snooping through his phone but I just didn’t trust him anymore. I started counseling and he even came to a few sessions..things seemed better. Now our son is here and is 2 months old and some of these things have started again. There is one specific girl who he is calling/texting again.. and he got mad b/c I found out b/c I had this feeling..and looked in his phone again. The messages were very innappropriate. He of course blamed me, cursed me out. We argue about our son a lot too. He says
that everything the doctor says is stupid..like placing the baby on his back for bed. He says that we shouldn’t worry, just put him on his stomach..but I fear SIDS. He says I overeact about that too. Any idea I suggest is dumb. Anything I want to do to spend time w/ him is dumb. I feel like the only time he wants to spend time w/ me is to have sex..but there is no love or compassion in our relationship anymore. When I try to talk about it..I’m overeacting or being stupid..but this is how I feel. I love him, I love my son and I want this to work but I feel that nothing is there anymore..at least on his end.

OH and mind you he is unemployed at the moment w/ no job since January, I work, I pay the bills, etc and he just plays videogames and hangs w/ his "friends"… is there any hope?? And if I want him to get out, how can I if he won’t go away?? :(

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11 Responses to Can I save my marriage?

  1. Stephen K says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    Try to make that time good what he spends at home, and do not care about anything that is out of the home. Never check his phone, etc. If this enough to keep him at home that time what is essential for saying that you are a functional family, then stay with him. If not, than it is better to kick him out. Again: do not deal with that what he does out of the house. The matter is always that what he does when he is at home.

  2. MiZz SaAk says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    get your baby and leave…i feel for you…nobody needs to go thru this…he is doing this right infront of your face…as to say…i dont care about you nor my child…get a lawyer and leave him…theres other guys out there that would love to be with you…i wish you the best of luck!!!

  3. Sad_Dad says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    I’m sorry but it sounds like your husband is a very immature loser. It sounds like you’re making the effort but his heart just isn’t in it. I know it sucks but you should seriously consider giving him an ultimatum to shape up, stop flirting with anything that moves, and get a job, or cut your losses and move on. My wife & I have issues, but I would never solicit flirting/cheating like it sounds like your husband is. Take courage and do what is right / in the best interests of your son, even if it will cause serious turmoil & heartache in the short term. Life is long and you’ve only been married 2 years. If your husband isn’t mature enough to see he has a problem or response to couselling now it’s unlikely he’ll "get it" later… Sticking with him might be worse than making a clean break and starting over (although this would not be easy with an infant). On a lighter note we have 3 kids and they all slept on their stomachs; I think the SIDS thing is way over-sensationalized by the media… Good luck all the best.

  4. GarnetAir says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    Is this question for real? Cause, really, the answer is so obvious! Leave his sorry butt, and don’t look back! Next time, don’t marry someone when it’s starting out as rocky…

    He has no respect for you, and you *shouldn’t* have any respect for HIM! Now, why would you even be conflicted about this, again? He’s not supporting you or your son, he doesn’t even *emotionally* support you; calling you names, ignoring your VALID concerns about placing a baby on his/her stomach (A BIG NO), and, playing video games all day?

    I’m sorry, but you need counseling, ASAP. I’m not being rude; I’m concerned for your son, and the example you two are setting for him… Remember, any idiot can donate sperm or carry a baby and give birth, but it takes a real man or woman to RAISE a child, and do a good job… Your husband is not doing any such thing; he’s behaving like a loser… Good luck, but please don’t stay with him… Move on and be free.

    *edited to add* You get him out by calling the police, if need be, and getting a restraining order… Or just pack up and move… A will, a way.

  5. Leslie A says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    You need to put your foot down now give in one month to change or get out or you leave with baby. You are supporting 3 of you now two should be a piece of cake.

    You have to do what you feel in your heart. I have been there exactly where you are and it sucks trying to decide what to do. You have to decide if you are ready for the struggle of being a single parent. For me, I woke up one morning and decided I would rather be single and happy than married and lonely and miserable. Yes it is possible to live in a house with 4 other people and be lonely. My kids were two girls 3 and 1 1/2 and a boy 6 months old. You can do it if you choose to. Everyone I was close to thought I was crazy, asking how you going to do it alone with 3 small kids? I just replied I already am anyway. And I did not have the type of parents I could call and say hey can you babysit for a few hours and my sister lived 6 hours away. So I was really alone. I would visit parents but they would never babysit etc. I made the decision and never second guessed it. It was best thing I ever did for myself and my kids.

    Here is a paper my daughter oldest daughter who is now 16 wrote for school last year. When I read it I realized every moment, every sacrifice and even every struggle was worth it and still is. I hope you realize it i will be if you decide to also.

    Courtney S.

    February 4,2007

    A Mother like No Other

    The person who has influenced my life the most is my Mother. I chose to write about her simply because she has been everything in my life. She is an educated loving Mother, who has basically been a single parent to me and my three siblings for most of our lives. My Mother graduated from High School and further extended her education in college. She holds a degree in Business and a nursing license. She married my Father at the age of twenty-one and had me at the age of twenty-two. My parents divorced when I was three years old. After the divorce there was never once a moment when she didn’t express her love for me or the importance of doing well in school, being involved and seizing every opportunity. My Mother is the reason I have achieved so many of my goals in my life so far, such as, doing well in school, class president, joining sports teams, and success in music in am in concert , jazz and marching band. As I continue to grow up more things are added to my already busy schedule. Without my Mother I wouldn’t be the person I am now. Without her sacrifices of things she wanted or needed I wouldn’t have been able to seize so many opportunities. In order to be present in our lives my Mother would often take lower paying nursing jobs with more flexible schedules. She always made sure she was available whenever we needed her. Whether we needed a ride or just her support and attention she is always there. Now that I am older it is easier for me to see all that she has really done and how it has affected my life. She has taken the time to teach me that the only person responsible for my happiness and success in life is me. She told me that if I truly want something then to go after it. I was told not to let anything or anyone hold me back. I grew up knowing that I could become anything I wanted. Not only did she tell me all of this, she followed through with it. She supports my dream to graduate from High school, go to college, study medicine, become a doctor and help people. No matter what my goal is she is always there supplying support, from the smallest goal of getting a role in a play to the greatest goal of becoming a doctor. Besides all of the facts I mentioned there is something greater that my Mother has taught me. My Mother has and continues to teach me how to love. Everyday of my life I learn something new about being a mother or loving someone. Without my Mother I wouldn’t know what love really is. I do not think I will ever be able to thank her enough for all the support and love she has shown me over the years, and all the years to come. I love her and she is without a doubt the biggest influence in my life.

    Good luck getting divorced was the hardest decision I ever made but it was the best one also.every sacrifice every struggle was worth it. I met a wonderful man 12 years ago and married him 4 years ago. Good luck and remember God never gives up more than we can handle. Try going to http://www.joycemeyers.org I start my morning every day with my coffee watching her show on line ( no commercials that way) and you can watch it when you have time.just click watch episode and you can then click previous episodes is you want to watch ones with topics of interest for you. She is a best selling author and speaker who has a show called "enjoying everyday life". she talks about real life things we as adults go through like marriage, kids, chores, bills how to be a confident woman, making a fresh start, forgiveness, forgeting the past and more. She is funny, down to earth and amazing. And also when I watch some how amazingly it is just what I need to hear that day. you can also click previous episodes and watch ones you missed. she has gotten me through some rough times and she will help you too I am sure. good luck! I hope this helped you.

  6. Jeanie says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    Get rid of him, he’s retarded, not mature enough to be a father and doesn’t want the responsibility of doing anything other than being a jerk off.

  7. Cathy says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    I am not going to tell you like everyone else usually does-couseling or dump him. I will be honest to you and tell you I know where you are coming from and I will say if he will not listen to a single word from you then sit down and write him a very long letter telling him exactly how you feel about everything and see how he react’s, if he love’s you then he will realize what he is doing and stop but if he doesn’t then that just shows that he doesn’t care a flip about you and it is time to move on but that you will have to decide from your heart. You are not stupid , the sids is very sersious and there is alot of babies that do die from this everyday and you are being the best mother you can be and listening to the doctor is the best thing there is. And if he is always having interest in other girl’s then why don’t you start the same. Have men text you the same way the girls text him and show him how it really feel’s. Turn the game around on him, do everything that he is doing to you and he will more an likely if he loves you,get jealous and mad and he will stop his childess stuff. It’s always different when the women do it. Other wise if he shows nothing then that tells you right there that 40 year’s fromknow you are going to be doing the same thing as you are right know with him and you deserve so much better then that, you deserve a man that will be faithful,devoted and trustworthy to you and care for you, right along with respect hun. so please do yourself a favor and think about your future and your childs future. Do you really want your child to see his/her father like this toward you and grow up like that toward women and you. Your child is going to see how daddy treats mommy and think that it is ok and their going to do the same. you really need to think about it.

  8. sayasyoulike says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    divorce

  9. Elaine S says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    Why would you want a husband that treats you that way? Is that really how you want your son to grow up seeing you be treated like crap and learning t treat women that way? If he isnt willing to talk about it then get someone who will love and respect you and treat you the way you should be treated instead of staying with someone like him. And tell him to get off his ass and go find a job because you shouldnt be the one having to pay for everything. He should be helping support the family. And if he isnt willing to do that then pack his bags for him and tell him to go to the girl he has been texting and calling and see if she will let him like that and have her support him. Dont put up with being treated like crap by men. You dont deserve it and it teaches your son some bad lessons.

  10. Jordan M says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    Leave. You are fighting a losing battle. Marriage is not supposed to cause pain and as you already know (or should know) love does not hurt.

  11. viola f says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

    pick up your child…go to a good lawyer ….get total separation and good child support and don’t look back….he will not change…and as long as you act like a door mat he will use you for one.

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Can I save my Marriage?

Posted on April 26, 2010 by admin

I have been married for 4 years and I have two kids.. my wife has now moved out because she said she fell out of love with me? She said she cant go on this way and she wants to seperate.. We went to marriage councling and after one session we had a huge fight… She wanted to take the kids out of state and I didnt want to hear about it..So I was going to leave and she stopped me.. She started to cry, yell, and breaking stuff, and hitting me.. i didnt do nothing to her I just took. it.. Then we had a good talk and we said we would go to councling again.. next day she came back and sat me down and said she wanted a divorce, that she was 90% sure of it.. I said ok.. then she said later do you want to go back to councling.. she moved in with her friend and her husband..
The reason we got here was because I wasnt there for her all the time.. She would always yell and I would leave and not talk to her for days.. That was wrong on my part.. i know that now.

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21 Responses to Can I save my Marriage?

  1. TM says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    She is going thru a very hard time right now. She felt out of love and confused, she doesn’t know what to do. I am sure she is missing your caress and love. Love fades if you don’t maintain and nurture it, especially if you are not for her physically, she feels miserable and she thinks that you don’t care about her anymore. There’s a chance that you can get her back. Show her your love, take her out, movies, dinner…etc. Bring her little presents, don’t need to be expensive, just thoughtful things, card with love words, music with her favorite songs…etc. All women need attentions. You need to spend some time & show her how important she is to you. If she wants you to be more available, do it! Don’t just leave her alone, talk to her, call her, email her, there’re so many communication methods that you can use to get her back. Good luck!

  2. cobrasnake says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    Communication, is the key in all relationships.Try to talk with her again; about, how to comeback to live together again.yes,it is possible you can save your marriage.Good luck.

  3. s r f says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    i say just give her some space for right now and let her miss you and then try counseling again

  4. Javier169 says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    im separated too….for about 6 months or so. The only time I see her come around is when I distance myslef from her. When I am not there for her….she then comes around for a hug and kiss or some sort of reassurance from me that it will be ok and I am still an option. I need to learn to put my foot down….as do you. Separate yourself bro! She will come back over time trust me but she needs to feel like she lost you. My wife said the same things….maybe even worse bro…but she still cries for me….asks me for forgiveness…tells me she loves me now…blah blah blah…after she does this and I tell her I love her too and reasure her…she goes back to not really wanting it. Distance yourself man! This is the age w elive in now…woman are like most men today….hard to stay faithful…they almost think like men do now…they really are influenced by lust today

  5. peekaboo says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    You can try, but in my view your wife has made up her mind.Pray about it and try talking to her. Say sorry, cry if you have to, if you want this marriage you have to do whatever it takes. All the best hope things work out for you

  6. fnyunj says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    Well; the reason you were not there all the time, or would not talk to her for days, maybe that was because she made conversation impossible or unbearable!

    Don’t beat yourself up about that. I’ve been charged with the same "crime" – and my therapist explained that it’s a common defense mechanism for men; not assertive enough? don’t like confrontation or arguing?

    The root cause is fundamental differences of opinion or values, and problems that can’t be resolved. Couples can live with these. What they can’t live with, is the avoidance mechanisms used to deal with the differences.

    Right now, one of the big irreconcilable differences I have with my wife is that she refuses to budget so that we have extra money – so we end up always short, always in debt, always in crisis. (I make $90k a year!). That is a problem, yes, but the real problem is when we avoid trying to talk about it or compromise on it. And it leads to anger and resentment, and a lot of the behaviors you describe.

    It’s unfortunate that things have gone as far as they have in your situation. I think it’s salvagable, but you guys need to go to counseling, accept that you BOTH have a problem, and work on it. If she won’t do that, well, maybe you should go alone. Worst-case-scenario? She never comes back, and the counseling will help you deal with the pain, and you will emerge a better person. Best-case? She sees the gesture, maybe notices a change in your personality, and decides she loves you after all, and comes back, attends counseling with you, and things work out. eh?

  7. Cool B says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    You still can save your marriage. Try to spend time with her. Talk heart to heart. Family comes first.

    Feel free to check this URL below to find out.

  8. marcia f says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    By all means go back to counseling. At least you know now that you can’t run away from problems when your married, you have to face them. The first few visit to a counselor are the most difficult but it gets easier the more you go. You have to remember that it has taken you several years to get where you are so it is going to take a little time to fix. The idea of counseling is to learn how not to let things get this bad in the first place. You need to learn the proper communication tools so you can sit down and talk about things without getting into an argument every time. I wish that it was mandatory before getting a marriage license that you have to have so many hours of counseling teaching the couple how to communicate instead of arguing. Try to imagine a block of wood with a crack in it and every time a little weight is placed on it the crack gets bigger and bigger until you almost have two blocks of wood. This is what happens to a married couple. They just let that crack get so big that it splits them in two. Go to counseling. Try to remember how you both felt when you fell in love and couldn’t stand to be apart. You wanted to be with each other all the time. What happened to that couple? Your still the same two people. You just have more responsibilties with the kids and home and jobs and stuff but your still the same person she fell in love with. I don’t think you fall out of love, I think love just gets lost in the shuffel. After your counseling meeting, go some place and get a cup of coffee and talk about what you have just talked to the counselor about. It really helps so much. You come away feeling like you really do understand and can make things better. Good luck to you both and remember you did love each other once and you can get it back.

  9. berry says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    just try convincin her if u truly love her n tel her u ll always b with her no matter wat..

  10. patrickin2004 says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    if you want to save your marriage then keep trying, but you really need to sit down with this woman and find out where all of her anger is coming from.now this is not easy to tell you what to do, i feel because 1. I’m not a therapist and 2 . i don’t have all the facts in this situation. to be on the save side get a lawyer NOW! and protect your rights. this woman does not sound like shes above trying to completely screw you over. try not to take a passive role in this.she can and will walk all over you if your not care-full.
    good luck my friend your going to need it.
    oh yea start to document everything that has happened and is happening.

  11. BikerChick says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    She has some MAJOR "abandonment" issues that most likely go WAY back to before you two even met. She loves you yet hates you at the same time, which will take MONTHS of therapy just on her part to make any difference at all.

    MY humble yet experienced opinion, is that SHE needs to get her own therapy FIRST, then you two can go together once she has made a rock solid decision as to what she needs from you. She carries WAY too much negative emotion over the PAST with her, which will ALWAYS cloud over ANYTHING positive you do UNTIL she deals with it.

    YOU cannot change the past, SHE has to DEAL with her feelings about it before you can move forward. If she CANNOT do this, there really is no hope of any kind of decent relationship between you two. I am truly sorry, but this is one lesson I had to learn the hard way, and it is a tough one. We CANNOT change our pasts – we can only move forward, and BOTH have to ready willing and able to.

  12. Loret T says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    Your marriage is not working out and you should not hit yourself on the head for the mistakes that you made. It takes two to make a marriage work. You didn’t do your part and your wife didn’t do her part. But if your wife is saying that she fell out of love with you then there is nothing that you can do. And now she doesn’t seem to know what she wants. One day she is telling you that she wants to be in counseling and then she turns around and asks for a divorce. I think you need to make it clear to her that if she’s not willing to put an effort and to change a few things with her life then you won’t stand a chance in saving this marriage. Maybe you should try to talk to her and maybe you need to tell her that you are willing to change and take it from there.

  13. carlaerickson says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    All I have to say is don’t give up just yet, do everything you can… if she leaves, you can’t force her to stay. If she makes a decision, you can’t tell her brain what it decides.. you can only be responsible for your part.

    It really depends on how long you’ve been making the effort now. Now, I know some women can be beastly things, and yelling, hitting, screaming is not appropriate doesn’t matter what the marital problem is. You have children, so they are the most important thing in this equation. She is being pretty selfish by wanting to take them away from you out of state… is it because she has family somewhere else?? Keep trying, but if she hammers the final nail in the coffin all you can do is try to play the biggest part in your childrens’ lives as possible … while knowing you did what you could. Pray hard! I’m being serious here.

    ps: If she’s finally trying to pull the plug on this because of how things were going in the past, you both need to make some serious PERMANENT changes, not just like romancing her for a year to keep her around and then burying yourself into your normal routines as before and letting life take you for the ride. I think you’ll have to take a really proactive approach here to make the effort if she is willing to do more counselling with you. And I bet she is half the problem too. Women can be so selfish, I know because I am one. We can be blind and retarded and one-track-minded. Sometimes women don’t understand what the men in their lives need, too. So I understand that you may not feel like a high priority in the mix of things compared to her. And I’m sorry but you can’t change her mind on that one. (have you read the proper care and feeding of husbands? it’s an awesome book I know it sounds retarded but it has some VERY good points that I wish more women got)

  14. applebottom22s says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    you cant save someone who doesnt want to be saved, and once a person falls out of love with you, it can never be the same again. if it cant be fixed dont force it. move on with your life, there is someone else out there for you.

  15. Anna says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    I think you should keep on trying. Marriage is hard and it takes a lot of work (as I’m sure you know). Her saying that she is 90% sure is better than her saying she is 100%. She’s giving you a chance. Go back to marriage councling, even if it caused you to have a fight. Sometimes that is good because it brings things out in the open. Leaving for a few days just because she is yelling though? I can see how she’d be upset. Let her know you love her and want things to change for the better.

  16. SheilaB says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    Yes you can save your marriage.My husband and I had a hard time and we were really young when we got married but some how we made it to 12 years this year. About 4 years ago we almost got a divorce. He worked all the time and when I would bring up something I was mad or upset about or didn’t like he would get ticked and not speak to me. I stay mad because he wasn’t home and I felt like he didn’t care or listen to me. It was bad and only got worse. Then we finally hit rock bottom and knew that something had to change so we sat down and we talked about where we went wrong and what we liked about each other and what we thought needed to change and what we could deal with up to a point. We knew that if things kept on the way they were then we couldn’t make it. The main thing with me was I needed to know he loved me not just once in a while but all the time. So we put all our effort into each other. We act more like we are dating now, instead of getting comfortable and not trying any more. We have been going strong for the last 4 years and we both love that we are able to act more like lovers than husband and wife. It’s a nice feeling when you center your world around your spouse and have them do the same for you. I hope it all works out but you both have to sit down and decide if you want it to work and it sounds like you do so all you have to do is talk her into giving you another chance and then prove to her you love her. I wish you the best.

  17. rose j says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    My dear writer you know that the breakup is your fault because you left her out on the outside of your feelings and did not let her see the true you so now the pity party has begun for you Should have, could have, would have I know that you love the kids but please take time pray over it asnd make changes with in your self and I guarntee that she’ll see the good you have inside

  18. KJ jr says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    dude, it’s over.

    my 2 cents?
    you file the divorce, you move out, and watch her beg you for another chance.

    there’s nothing sexier to a woman than a man who dumps them.

    trust me on this, but you gotta be willing to follow through. otherwise, she’ll sniff it out.

  19. TRISHMATT says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    I think you have lost her Im sorry.

  20. spankie_101 says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    Eithers she’s bipolar or your leaving something out. I say get the divorce and cut your loses you can’t fix beat to hell.

  21. brandywillanswer says:
    April 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    Sounds like she has totally checked out. I dunno what you could do to get her back. The only thing I know is ask her out and show her things will be different in the future. It is up to her to decide if she beleives you or not.

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Can I save my marriage?

Posted on April 1, 2010 by admin

My husband and I met at 16 – 10 years ago, and have always been so happy. We were best friends and very much in love for years. We were married four years ago and were still going strong. We have always been affectionate, made eachother laugh and we both had the same wants out of life. Last year out of the blue, he announced that he was leaving for a few days as he didn’t know how he felt. Complete shock to me! We hadn’t been arguing, there were no issues except maybe that we were both under a lot of pressure in our respective jobs but that was it really. The next year of my life after those few days has been unbearable. I of course was devastated as we have always enjoyed life, together or with our friends so I could not understand this. He treated me so terribly so we separated. He then after about 6 months came back and told me that he had suffered a crisis and loved me so much. Since then I took him back but he has been selfish, lazy, wants no time with me, I hardly see him
Thanks for all your points of view. The thing that keeps me here is the way he is with me when we actually are together. He tells me he loves me all the time and how happy I make him. He sends me flowers and writes me notes. But when it comes down to it I hardly ever see him as he always goes out and comes in so late. He won’t help me around the house – we both work, and any decisions he makes are for him and not for us. That is why I am so confused.
oh and just so you get the picture, I have been telling him for a l,ong while that I am not happy, but today I told him that I think I want to be on my own for a while and he said that we would have to talk later as he is going out with his mates! I tell him something that serious and it’s like he doesn;t care or just doesn’t register!

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11 Responses to Can I save my marriage?

  1. Ant says:
    April 1, 2010 at 11:00 am

    try talking first and you both have to be very open and honest. yes it is hard but it is the only way you will know if what you had is worth going after again. best of luck. and dont go talking to a lot of people on line as most guys will just try and use the trouble you are having to see if they can get into yoru paints. be carful of who you trust.

  2. Bratso says:
    April 1, 2010 at 11:00 am

    Yes, you always can did he?we all go to changes in life,give him the space don’t go after him it will make things worst.It takes two to Tango, lets see if he really wants to get help you do what about him ? that is the only chance that i see.
    Maybe there is some one else maybe not ?if is that the case be smart and is your call. Things happen for a reason.
    I hope you come out well on this..

  3. bev8164 says:
    April 1, 2010 at 11:00 am

    Really does sound like he left you for someone else, either that didnt work or he felt so guilty. He obviously isnt happy so you both need to talk, suggest going away so that you can sort yourselves out. Would you really want him to stop with you if it was making him unhappy.
    Another senario could be that who ever he left you for has changed their mind so he had to leave and because he had no where to go he came back to you. But he is not wanting to be with you cause he is thinking about them, can you try and get hold of his mobile to see if he has been ringing, texting someone.

  4. drummby43 says:
    April 1, 2010 at 11:00 am

    to save a marrage you have to have both of you going to counseling for sure !!!!!! only if you want this to work out ,, and hope he does’nt take off on you again ! it seems he is totally being a child about everything and it might be time to throw his cloth’s on the front lawn so when he comes back to the house he knows for sure you mean business !!!1 your way (counseling) or the highway, cause their are many guys out there that want you !!!! cheer up !!!!!

  5. Bhagchand J says:
    April 1, 2010 at 11:00 am

    my answer is that if you dont your love your husband .os let him and your husband giving you divorce you so you can take lawer help. ok bue

  6. sun_is_shining says:
    April 1, 2010 at 11:00 am

    Sounds like he had an affair and she dumped him. If there’s no real honesty between you, how can you repair this?

  7. o r says:
    April 1, 2010 at 11:00 am

    he’s not being honest, and you in your gut can’t trust him. the 2 pillars of a health relationship are (honesty and trust) are absent. you already know the answer. no you cannot save your marriage without honesty and trust.

  8. box of rain says:
    April 1, 2010 at 11:00 am

    You marriage can be saved, but ONLY if both of you want to save it.

    I have a feeling you deserve better than he is ever going to be able to give to you.

    If it does end, let it go. Don’t fight it.

    The truth is all of life’s greatest blessings come in disguise after heart ache.

  9. palrmt says:
    April 1, 2010 at 11:00 am

    if there is any hope of saving this marriage, you need to see a counselor together and ASAP. he is sending you mixed messages by coming back and saying how much he loves you but then treating you like that. it has to be one or the other. your heart cant hang in limbo like that. it takes too much of a toll on you. good luck and i hope that whatever happens you can both live with it.

  10. spaznskitz says:
    April 1, 2010 at 11:00 am

    claire – honestly, it sounds like he had someone else – and you were blind to it…and he came bac because it didn’t work out but it doesn’t mean he is happy.

    You can try marriage counseling – if he refuses to go, then I’d suggest you get a legal separation and tell him to go until he truly makes up his mind if he wants to save the marriage or not. Get a legal separation to protect yourself financially if the two of you do make the split permanent.

  11. cupidgirl says:
    April 1, 2010 at 11:00 am

    counseling to make him talk about the truth of his feelings…

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Can i save my marriage?

Posted on April 1, 2010 by admin

Everything changed after we got married. He started complaining about every little thing. We fight all the time, because he ain’t listening at all, no