We are a South West Asian couple, married for around 25 years with 2 grown-up sons and a daughter. One of the sons (the oldest one) is married and have his 3 year old son back in our country, waiting for his turn to immigrate to the US. This son is from my first (ex) wife. My that marriage was ended up in divorce – a long story. My younger son and daughter and their mother – my current wife, got in the US about 5 years ago. Except the earlier couple of years, I was never happy with my current wife because of her few habits like foolishness and posing like she is the most smart and intelligent person in the world, lies, hiding certain important issues or trying to hide them until the situation reach close to the point of no return and especially, after doing all those things, her claiming that she did not do nothing. She has hardly passed her 10 grade in the school but she claims that she has passed her BA. In support of her claim, she does not have any degree or any other document but she still insist that she is graduated from college (probably in her dreams). She can’t speak english fluently but neither want to listen that from any one nor want to improve in a proper way by using educational facilities. Right now she is not happy with eaither of us at home nor any of us is happy with her. Any time we home, we fight or argue with each other on petty things or matters. The things turned so ugly last night that our son had said that we do not have any other solution for this problem except divorce. I feel it very unfortunate and am very much upset. Is there any one – especially from India or Pakistan (because of cultural understanding) can give us some counselling in order to help us save our family or guide us to some counselling facility.
Phillips
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You need to talk to a family counselor about your problem and emphasize your cultural values also. A successful marriage takes work, dedication and sacrifice. But in some marriages, particularly when there are serious problems, you may feel you are the one who has to save your marriage alone.
If your spouse is emotionally unstable or unwilling to communicate or work on the problems. No matter what the situation the pressure really is on you to save your marriage. The reasons for this can be
twofold: For more information on how to save your marriage please visit http://www.savemymarriagetoday.com Also Visit my blog at.
Make an appointment with a marriage and family counselor and emphasize that you have cultural values that need to be considered.
I have seen severe cases, their marriages remain intact. While I am not Indian or Pakistani, you could try God-given methods: Love her for what she is. Getting into fights only bring hatred n
disharmony onto the family. Correct her gently but if she insisted she had a BA when she had none,
you know she is unwell mentally. Help her connect with reality, seek pragmatic solutions, stop the fight, leaving her when she is losing her mind will be a tragedy. Look into your directory n get help.
This sounds like an issue that can’t be helped by any advice we give you. She has some issues that need to be worked out by a professional. I’m sorry to hear your going though a rough time but I’m sure this situation can be saved as long as both make the effort to make it work. It sounds like you have a ways to go to try and work this out but you have to want to. From the way your talking about her it sounds as if you have already decided it’s over.
Hi Shay,
I understand how you feel. I am Indian and understand the whole cultural thing. You don’t want to be looked down upon by the community etc etc.
There is a solution! The bible! It will really help you! For more info, speak to the Jehovah’s witnesses when they come to your door (Yahovah de Gawah in Punjabi) or check out the website below…All the best!
Asian marriage problems are usually best discussed with Asian marriage counselors I think.