We’ve been separated for 3 years… mostly my doing, but i’ve been open to counseling many times and have initiated it over the past 6 months… but he doesn’t believe in it. I know he doesn’t have a girlfriend and he still says that i’m the love of his life….. but too much time has passed and too much has been done and said, so the only way he could move on is through divorce. I don’t agree, and do not want a divorce, i have told him many times i want to work on "us" and reunite our family. I invite him over all the time for dinner and to hang out… sometimes he comes, other times he stews in his apartment. Obviously i’m doing something wrong and i don’t know what to do. I’ve learned alot and i’ve made alot of mistakes but i’m looking to move forward w/him. I tell him all the time. Any serious suggestions?
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Divorce seems to be a major event for you. I agree. It is.
Even though it seems as if most couples these days do it over and over again, it is a life changing event for many. If you’ve been separated for 3 years and you can’t get him to go to counseling, it looks like its time for you to move on. Filing for divorce is the first step in moving on. Most people would rather not get divorced (otherwise why get married in the first place). The one who files is not necessarily the one who wants the divorce, just the one who knows it is over.
Go to counseling by yourself then decide. Many (probably most) men see counseling as nonsense. They think they can handle things. They can’t. You could be stuck in this in between situation for years. He doesn’t want to make the effort to do anything. What you’re doing wrong is driving this non-relationship. He doesn’t need your permission to file for a divorce. You said you initiated the separation. Maybe its time to just end it and move on. Get legal counsel first. Pray for a win/win resolution. It really helps.
He knows your intentions. He is stalling for a reason. I think he has a girlfriend, and sees you when he is lonely or needs familiar company. Move on !!! You are wasting your life waiting on him to get off the pot !!
I know that when I was going through our divorce in my state NY if you are still sleeping together then you want to contest the divorce you can do it. But eventually he will get the divorce if he wants it.
Nope, but I wwas the one who filed. You can’t stop someone from filing for divorce. All you can do is when you are served the papers is to contest it.
In most US court jurisdictions, you can’t stop a divorce if one partner wants to be divorced. You can get your attorney to delay the proceedings for awhile (and you will pay a chunk of money everytime you initiate those tactics), but eventually if your husband wants out, he’ll get his divorce.