hey there,
So of about November last year my parents decided to get divorced. and its been really messy. not amicable at all and its going to the courts. I’m with my mum through and through and totally loyal to her. I know whose caused and done the mistake here. im 14, and able to understand, im not a baby. my mum CONSTANTLY is telling me about my father and all teh bad things he’s doing and what he’s done. im shocked but i believe her anyhow. then i hear my fathers view but maybe because he’s in a different country and im always with my mum or at least my mums side of the family (as she is sorting th divorce out somewhere else) that im more distant to my dads version and i believe my mums side of it more. only because i know she wants the best for me, whereas my father has shown little consideration for me otherwise this would of been over.
What im trying to say is, my mum is always trying to prove that he’s the ”bad” one. frankly i couldn’t care less if they were Both the bad ones. i just DONT want to be involved. i dont want to have to be the one who fixes things. she tells me to email him telling him to give this house here, and that money here, and that is yours and this is hers. and im constantly being told about it. my getaway is at school where no one pesters me about it. i dont mind my parents getting divorced, i know its for the best. why does she have to feel the need to prove something to me? why is she involving me?
she doesn’t understand it upsets me. ive told her, she wont listen. i know what i need to say if any lawyers question me about what i want, i know ill do whats best for me and my mum. why has she got no faith in me? and as far as i know..am i even supposed to be questioned? will i be asked anything?
help please!
desperate 14 year old! no one to talk to! teachers cant help..they’re not exactly going to tell my mum off. friends can only support but not fix. etc..help 
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she wants you to be on her side – kind of like when your friends fight with each other and call you up and say Pete’s a jerk he did this . . .
tell your mom- mom, I love you, I know you are going through hell right now, I’m here to support you but you have to stop involving me – regardlesss of who did what, I love you both and I don’t feel you are being fair to me by trying to put me in the middle…the next time she tries to talk to you about it after you have explained it – look at her, smile and say – remember I’m not the middleman and run to your room or the bathroom or the basement . . .
I told my 7 yr old step son – after the 7th time he told me something that his mother said to him, I looked him in the eyes and told him – the next time your mom tells you that all this stuff in our house is hers (which was totally untrue), explain to her that you are a child and that is grown up talk and she should talk to ‘dad’ about that stuff…I never once had to hear him say that again, I think she got the message . . .
I feel for you. My siblings and I were always put in the middle of my parents divorce. They don’t realize how it hurt us. I am now 46 and going through similiar. My daughters father is always trying to make me look bad and him and his new wife the "good guys". In fact, I am the one who keeps trying to keep her out of it because she is a 7 year old child. She should not be put in the middle of this at all. She is stressed out by his constant involvement of her. The judge ordered us to take co-parenting classes to help us get along. I did that on my own long before the judge ordered it. I found out during the class, that I was the one doing right thing for my daughter. To this day, he has still refused to take the class. Talk to a school counselor, minister, trusted neighbor,, aunt, someone who you can talk to and maybe they can talk to her. We have a place called "Parents Place, and Child Care Resource Referral". Some times these places have classes that are offered. maybe you can get that information for a co-parenting class and leave it for your mom, or ask her to consider it. Just keep telling your mom, NICELY, that you do not wish to be involved. This is their job to communicate civilly for the your sake. She needs to talk to him herself.
Reading in between the lines, I think you do realise that your mom is brainwashing you to some extent.
I think you need to tell her that the divorce and problems is between her and your dad, and not you.
Tell her that you care about your dad as much as you care about her and that she can’t change that and that she must try to make arrangements so that you can keep an relationship with your dad.
Well, no one here is going to tell your mom off either. I can say this though, it sucks and you are not the go between, You need to make sure that your mom knows how you feel. It doesn’t really matter who’s "side" you’re on, the truth is that no one understands the inside of ANYONE else’s romantic relationship, problems or break up except the involved parties. My parents divorced when I was 7 and are friends to this day, and I just don’t understand it. Their "friendship" annoys me because they tend to gang up on me when they’re together and if they have a fight it is volatile and usually tries to hoist me into the middle too, but I just tell them I don’t care… because I don’t. They can be mad at me if they want to, but it’s childish and irresponsible of them to think that I am going to be their go between or fix things. They are grown ups, and so are your parents.
you won’t be able to control what your mom says but how you respond to that you can.
anytime she says somethign bad about him point out at least 5 good things either to yourself or out load if she asks why your doing that. Just state because your divorcing him not me!
i don’t need the negtitvity in my life. so i was told to counter act negitivity i am to state 5 positive things to counter act that. so if you dont want to hear the good thigns about my father then stop talking abad about him.
and stop doing things. if she tells you that she wants you to e-mail it. Say i’m sorry mom i can not and will not do your dirty work .. you both wanted this divorce now be an adult about it and handle your matters. unless you want me to quit school and turn into a burnout.
repeat repeat repeat.. she will not change over night she is upset those feelings will not go away with in yoru time frame. so give it time she is hurt!
When she asks you to do that stuff, tell her no that you are a kid and should not be used for that. Just do it in a nice way.