I want to get a divorce without more debt. How can i stop my SO from putting ME into more debt? Divorce now?
My wife keeps spending money even though she knows I want to leave and get a divorce. She was in charge of the finances (While I worked) and failed to pay our morgage for many months and now we are behind. I am now in charge and getting the bills paid, but she keeps borrowing thousands from our friends, which I feel obligated to repay. I make enough to get on my own so we can afford to seperate, but she acts like there is a bottomless pit and I WANT OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP! The details on how bad the relationship aren’t important. I basically want to know what I can do so that her debts don’t become my debts till I can afford a divorce. Is there anything that can be done? I want to clear all the debt before I get a divorce.. mainly catch up with the morgage so that we can keep the house for our kids to live in. I want a secure place for our kids to live in so this is important to me. How can I get her to stop spending, borrowing, etc., or get our credit seperated until the divorce?
I’m afraid she will take off to another state with the kids. I love my kids and couldn’t bear to have them away from me. I don’t talk down about her to the kids, but I am afraid of what she would say to them about me. They have already seen to much, including her hitting me. This is out of hand. I can not afford to leave until the morgage is caught up (in a month or two), and then I can get out on my own. I would like for her and the kids to stay in the house so I know they are taken care of and in a familiar environment for this transition. I plan on continuing to pay for the house. I don’t want my kids in some unknown place barely scraping by with their needs unmet. I want to take care of my kids, but I want to be able to seperate and get out on my own. She does work but barely. She has been a stay at home mom for 12+ years, so I know there will probably be alimony involved. She has only worked for about 4 months or so since we were married. Any more suggestions? TIA.
Oh.. and there are other debts that I am taking care of besides the mortgage, so if I take off on my own, even if the mortgage company works out a payment plan (which we are already doing), then if I fail to pay these other debts we could lose the house. As far as her paying half for house payments.. well.. I thought I mentioned she has a spending problem. I hightly doubt her half would get paid. I want security for my kids. She has already threatened to take them far away. I want to have my kids in my life. She has already asked me how she is going to live if we seperate; which means she is just looking at the money aspect. Even if she remarries, I still want to support and take care of my kids. Just want to know how to get our finances seperated as soon as possible. So far Tina’s and 2Beagles answers seem to make the most sense for me. Keep em comin’. Thanks
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protossrush March 4th
file for divorce asap everything she spends after you file will subject to scrutiny in court and she may have to pay you back for
Tina March 4th
If you file for legal separation you won’t be responsible for any debt she accrues after that. At this point you are both responsible.
Call your mortgage company, explain the circumstances to them, and set up payment arrangements. Most of the time they are pretty understanding about situations that arise. Speak to your friends who are loaning her money and let them know that you will not be responsible for any more money that they allow her to get from them. Be straight forward with it. That way if they do give her more money the will do it with that understanding. You can call the credit bureau and have a notation placed on your report that says not to extend credit without speaking directly to you. That way she can’t extend credit in your name if she tries that….and it doesn’t cost you anything to do that.
2Beagles March 4th
Tina mentioned contacting the credit bureau to put a notation. I’m not sure if you know this or not, but you can now put a freeze on your credit. That means nobody can get into your credit, so that would mean nobody would be willing to give your wife a loan in your name if they can’t look at your credit history. You can unfreeze your credit anytime you want. To me, it sounds like your wife is spending on purpose, just so you won’t leave. She’s trying to control you. But put your foot down and move out if you can afford to. Contact a lawyer and start the paperwork for divorce. Once she knows you’re serious, then she’ll stop, but until you do something about it, she’s just going to continue doing this. As for her friends.. you’re not obligated to repay her debts to them. Yes, it seems the right thing to do, but if she fails to repay her friends, then soon they will want nothing to do with her. She’s going to fall on her own. Good luck with this situation. You can get past this.
Swan Crazy Dot March 4th
apply for a divorce via a good solicitor and get him to put a stop on the account preventing the woman from running up debts on your a/c. advise your friends that from now on (in writing) you will not accept any responsibilities for loans given to her. Leave home if possible, then she can apply for rehousing with the kids via the local council or housing association. Alternatively put a deposit on a flat for her and give her a month to clear all her stuff out whilst you arrange adequate child care – If she has not gone in that month put her stuff in the new flat pay one more months rent and change all the locks. I don’t know who has done what but unless she is a very bad mum, I would think it best for the kids if you left and just ensured you paid a set reasonable amount for their upkeep and until and unless she is working keep the mortgage payments going. Once she is or if she is working then I think that you should arrange to pay half the mortgage and their upkeep – nothing else. They are your kids as well as hers so that is the right thing to do. Not one penny more is she entitled to, so stand firm in this. Whatever you do make sure there is proper (if supervised) access to the Kids for the absent parent, and never run her down to them. Her spend spend business may be a reaction to unhappiness by the way, so try not to be too judgemental OK?
Good luck
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