I started to neglect my wife and focus more on the bills while she was pregnant because money began to get really tight. Later on after she had the baby I found out that because i treated her so badly she feel in love with another man. instead of me trying to fight for her i just started to give up because i figured she had already decided who she wanted which now i see was a bad idea. anyways she told me that she is ready to move on to other people. she doesn’t want to come home, she said she isn’t sexually attracted to me anymore but the male friends that she talks to know she is sexually attracted to. Is this to far gone? should I let her go? she says she still loves me but she just needs some space to do what she wants to do. should i try to fight or should i just let her go. she also says that we might get together later once she see’s that i have changed. but she might have another boyfriend by then and i don’t want that. i really love her and im sorry for what i did. any advice?
she told me over two years that I needed to change but when money is tight a husbands concern is providing first. we talked and talked and i said i would do better but i didn’t. mainly because she told me that she fell out of love with me and fell in love with another person. also the person she fell in love with is her manager which she closes with on a regular basis at night and my insurcurity got the best of me and i just pushed her further away.now i realize what a ass i was and i tryed to say sorry but i didn’t work. she says that she is to afraid that i will hurt her again and she doesn’t think i will change because she talked to me for 2 years and i didn’t. i want her to see ive changed but she told me that even if i do change she still would want to leave because she see’s pain and hurt everytime she looks at me. she says she needs time to heal but im afraid that she will find someone else. should i let it go or continue to fight to keep her to stay.
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come on she sdone with you and there is no point in staying around for what torture? just leave her and move on you will find someone who is more for you and its worth it.
if she fell out of love for you, time & being a good friend to her is your best bet.
sorry to say, but if you hurt her enough for her to move on, then you MUST accept the fact of her moving on.
if you have changed your ways and be a good friend to her,
& stop begging her to come back,
& just be there for her,
& be strong with your heart,
& and just live day to day,
she just might come back to you eventually.
Until then, take care of yourself. keep up with your career. be nice to her. be supportive of her time and decision. try not to show too much jealousy.
& mostly, learn from this. become better from all of this.
take care and best to you…
you WILL be ok… it just takes time…
You should FIGHT for your wife, arrange to see a Marriage Counseller.
never give up your love.
ur wife might just be hurt too much she cant seem to forgive u immediately. be patience. take time. give the best u can for her. remind her of how u both ever been once.
both of u have not lost ur love. u may just distracted by other things. once u get ur her love back, everything will start getting better.
i think what your wife needs to be aware of is your presence. the more you neglect her or show her no affection whatsoever, she will have the tendency to find love and happiness in someone else’s company. if she did tell you that she loves you, you have to let her know that you love her more. start by apologizing or doing the romantic things that you did for her when you were still dating, in order to remind her why she married you or chose you to spend the rest of her life with in the first place. although, since she told you to give her some space, you have to be patient in winning back the affections of your wife by not being too agressive to the point that you show up on her doorstep or follow her all the time. also, never ever forget your duties as a father even while you are in the process of courting your wife because it will show that what is most important for you is to have your family back. everything is a step-by-step process and be reminded that you cannot easily mend a broken heart, that is why you have to respect whatever your wife’s decisions may be. always remember that no matter what, family comes first.
i hope that my advice was helpful and i wish you all the best.
It sounds like she would like to see that you care enough to fight for her. If you were neglecting her, it means, at least to her, that you don’t care enough to try. That’s what you need to change now.
She needs to see your heart change, she probably doesn’t need space at all, she’s probably walking away to see what you’re going to do to stop it. So, do something to stop it.
Sexual attraction will return with restoration of the relationship, so don’t focus on that. Focus on changing your heart and changes in your actions will follow.
Show her how much your marriage means to you, show her how much SHE means to you, show her how important it is that your relationship is fulfilling and how important a happy family life is to you. Find some books on the subject, find a counselor to talk to to help you improve in relational areas and tell her what you’re learning and things you want to do differently.
If you would like some excellent books to read, e-mail me, I’ll be glad to refer you to some.
Just make sure that you’re trying to change, fighting for your wife and showing her how important she is to you.
If your wife was walking into a trap that would take her away from you and destroy your family what would you do to save her and your marriage? That’s exactly what’s happening.
Don’t give up.
If she had baby she may have post partum depression(not sure if spelled correctly)sounds like she needs to feel like she is still a woman and not just a Mom.
If you want her you are going to have to fight for her.Tell her how much she means to you,etc….tell her she is the most beautiful woman on the planet.Do whatever it takes.If she does not respond back with Love for you than it’s time to move on.Don’t be surprised if you find another woman she comes running back……
Have you told her everything you just said?
Sit down with her and tell how do you feel and that you are willing to change and fight for her love.
Ask her if she is willing to try to work it out because you love her and does not want to lose her.
Say it and prove it.
Love her!
It’s odd that she went into the arms of another man rather than trying to speak with concerning the emotional problems between the two of you. I would say let her go as she has already become intimate with this… other man.
If I were you a DNA test on the baby may be a great idea to make sure the child is yours and not the "other" man. Chances area she’s been seeing/sleeping with this other man for a while. The treating her badly gig may be smoke and mirrors. If she loved you at all she would not have gone swooning into the arms of another guy so easily. She would ahve broken her neck trying to save her marriage if it meant anything to her.
I know you love her, but you have to let her go. She’s already cheated on you. Do you think if she comes back she won’t do it again? If you cheated on her would she take you back? Could there be any trust in the relationship? If you’re at work will you be wondering if she’s still doing something with this other guy or some other guy? Based on what she has told you it sounds like she’s been with more than this one guy since you have been married.
Get off your ass, get a DNA test. If the babies yours then get a lawyer to get joint custody. If the child belongs to someone else get a lawyer and get your name off the birth certificate so you aren’t stuck paying child support for something that doens’t belong to you. It’s time to look out for yourself. She’s already moved on while you were married.
There is that age old thing called communication!!! Where was it??? Why weren’t you talking to your wife about all of this???? She should have been the one to connect with!!! What were you thinking of??? Just doing your own little thing!!! Looking after the bills, imagine that!!! Talk to your wife, tell her how you feel, go from there, see what she says then. If she does need some space, I guess you can give it to her, you can’t hold her back. If you don’t you could always come home from work and find out that she has moved out on you anyway. Good Luck.
Marriage is worth fighting for. Try some couples counseling. Remind her of the vows you both took on your wedding day. Marriage is work and the "I’ve fallen in love" thing fades away through time. The only way to keep the love is to work at it. There is a book by Gary Chapman called the Five Love languages. I highly recommend you and your wife read it. It has helped my marriage quite a bit. I hope everything works out for you. I will pray for you and your wife.
Your right you should have gave her time.. Time cost nothing and all she needed was a little attention from you.. Now you must let her go! Let her go if she is for you she will be back.. If she doesn’t then she was never meant for you… Let her go tell her your sorry and let her go.. You don’t want to keep someone who doesn’t want to be kept, is not fair for you or her.. Learn to live with your mistakes and Learn from your mistakes.. Good luck.
Get couples counseling. NOW. You’ll be in an environment where you can talk things through with an unbiased person. Even if the final outcome is divorce, you’ll have made the decision after some deeper soul searching. Good luck to you, whatever the outcome. You both have some work to do.
Try asking her if she would be willing to try mediation to save your marriage. If not, just accept it is over. She doesn’t need you to consent to the divorce. If she wants a divorce quickly she needs you to comply. If she is willing to wait a couple of years she can get the divorce with or witout your help.
If she is telling you that she still loves you and that there is the chance that you may get back together once she sees that you have changed, then there is still hope. Tell her that you love her and that you want to do whatever is necessary to rebuild your marriage such as going to counseling.
Instead of giving her up, why don’t you fight for your wife? Tell her how you feel–you need to sit down with her and discuss with her what you want. Good luck to you.