While claiming to be desperately trying to reconcile, my husband told me that if I go forward with a divorce I will regret it because he will fight me. When I asked what he meant, he told me he will make it long and painful for me.
We have not lived together(through work reasons) for 1.5 years, since the marriage began, have no shared property, no children, separate finances, etc. There is literally no way he can make it either long or expensive, yet I feel that now that this threat has been put out, there is no hope of reconciliation. I can’t imagine ever threatening the person whom I claim to "love more than anyone in the world" with emotional, legal, or monetary harm. I feel like he is trying to blackmail me into the marriage.
I went ahead and spoke to an attorney, but now I feel incredibly sad. Am I making a mistake?
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I think your situation is more damaging than your kind-of-sort-of husband’s threat.
NO. You always feel like that when you get divorced but you are doing the right thing girl, it is apparent that there is no marriage there and nothing to hold you guys together, Have your attorney handle everything and move away if possible for awhile. lose your phone so there is no way for him to call or contact you. And if you need any additional help call the A-Team. sorry just trying to add a little humor.
He’s hurting and what is the natural reaction when someone is hurting you? To get defensive and say things you don’t mean. He didn’t mean that, he’s just hurting and depressed over the fact that you want to divorce him. Here’s a pattern, he’s tried really hard to reconcile, and did you even come close to taking him back? If not, then his last and only hope is to somehow get your attention and that is what he was trying to do.
He loves you, and as crazy as it sounds… that’s why he made that threat.
I think he sounds vindictive and mean. I don’t think you are losing much.
WELL MAYFLOWER. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I FELT BAD TOO BACK THEN. WE WERE NEIGHBORS.I HAD A CRUSH ON HER. I DON/T KNOW WHY. WE ARGUED EVERYTIME. WE BROKE UP VERY YOUNG. AFTER 30 YEARS WITHOUT TALKIN. SHE WAS MY NEIGHBOR I COULDN/T LET HER DOWN. IN 20001 WE BURIED THE HATCHET. GOD HELPED US OF GETTING ALONG. ASKED GOD TODAY TO HELP YOUR MARRIAGE.
You can also assume that he feels passionately about not giving up without a fight.
That must be worth something , huh ?
I’d have said Don’t let the door hit you in the @ss on the way out.
With none of the things you mentioned, theres not much he can do except not sign the papers. In the state I live in if he doesn’t get a lawyer after a certain amount of time ( I forget what it is ) the judge will grant you a divorce, good luck, sounds like you really need to get away from this jerk!
I know what you are going through. You are so correct and brave to know that "how can someone that is suppose to love and protect you" say such awful and vindictive things. It gives you a glimpse of his character, and you dont want a man like that in your life. You have no other attachments to him, I would most definitely leave, I wouldnt trust him anymore, and these threats will always be part of his battle. How can you trust him with anything after saying such things.
My huband and I have everything together and children and he’s made threats to our finances and kids if we divorce and I dont trust him and never will, sad but true.. Im in a sad marriage that lacks the most important thing.. trust.. but Im here for my kids.. I envy you and wish I could walk away.
unless you are a divorce attorney, you cannot understand how expensive it can get. if both of you have money, there are no such things as separate finances. his debt is yours.
you aren’t making a mistake. in your heart, you know divorce is the resolution you need. his threat, albeit delusional, goes to his state of mind about how angry and bitter he is. that’s who he is. that’s the person you want back? blackmail into marriage? think about those words. is that sane to you?
make the arrangements and walk away from this disturbed man. he’s not the man you married. and you are no longer the naive woman that married him either.
Get far, farrrrrrrrrrrr away from this idiot! He sounds controlling, vindictive and scary. He could do all sorts of things (ruin your credit, stalk you, cause problems at your work, etc.) Hopefully, he is just mouthing off and doesn’t mean to harm you. Having said that, I have been harmed by someone doing just that. The bottom line is: Why would you ever want to be with anyone like that at all? Don’t hesitate to get a restraining order if necessary! LET YOUR ATTORNEY handle ANY and ALL communication with the idiot. Don’t give your ex any fuel for his fire!! Best wishes!