Save Marriage

I have been with my wife for about 5 years now married for about 3. we have a 3 year old little boy together. but my wife has a drinking problem . it has caused her numerous problems between us and her family on numerous occasions . She starts drinking and gets very violent and blacks out .it has caused her to go to jail and she is currently on a type of probation because of it . she goes behind my back and lies about where she is going and be gone all night just to come home drunk and lies and starts a fight when i confront her about it . she refuses to get help and i have told her that i would take our child and leave if it kept happening. now she has gotten to the point that when she does sneak and drink she says" well your gonna leave me any way and since i already screwed up it all or nothing " and that’s her excuse for getting drunk . its not just 1 or 2 drinks and stop its get to a 14 on a scale of 1-10 drunk . and after its all said and done she treats me like i am the bad guy and tries to turn everything around on me like i am the bad guy. she did this 2 nights ago came home drunk at 2 am and now she is "tired of me controlling her and we are not in a relationship " . i do everything for her when she asks like i am a slave and she expects that of me . but she wont do anything for me without an attitude so i have just quit asking her to do anything for me . she also says i am not romantic enough but she is constantly pushing me away and fussing and complaining to and about me about how i do nothing . I watch our son all day long so she can go to night school to get her degree she goes for a few hours 3 days a week. Now i lost my job a few months back and have not been able to find another one . she holds that over my head saying that she is the bread winner now and i am just a sorry piece of …. and that if she has to go find the job she will do it all without me .i held that job since before i met her 5 years ago. i am tired of it what should i do … i don’t want to leave her i want her to see my side how do i go about it

i have suggested marriage counseling but she says "no cause thats just means it is over nobody that does that makes it if you have to do it then there is no reason to be married" . is what she says please help . cause if we do divorce she will go in a downward spiral with drugs and drinking again like it was before we met . i have tried to clean her up and keep her safe but she just doesnt see it that way she sees that i am controlling when i am just trying to protect her . and do whats best for her

I just had a baby in Feb of this year, and lately me and my partner have been fighting a lot, it just gets to a point where he tells me just leave, I’m tired of you, but let me give you more information, we live in a 2 bed apt with his brother and his wife and baby, now the apt is under my name and my brother in law wife, the apt is under contract for 1 year but when we argue he tells all of our problems to his brother and my partner tells me either I leave or you leave and my brother will leave too knowing that I can’t pay all of the rent by my self since its $1100 since we split the rent between the two couples! Then there was 1 time I left wit my new baby and he didn’t even stop me or say don’t leave I love you I tell him I love you and if I’m wrong I come and say I’m sorry but he never does that never tells me I love you don’t go etc.. Why wouldn’t he I mean if he’s love is true I think he would do anything but I think he maybe doesn’t love me that much? What do you think?

Long story short my wife used to never care where i went when i was overweight, i guess she fig’d there was no risk. (I can’t blame her but she stuck with me so i love her even more) But now i’ve lost a ton of weight and am probably a 10 out of 10 to most women, i know that sounds cocky but for the sake of conversation yeah i went there. When i was fat i was 3 out of 10 at best. lol Bottom line is anytime i go somewhere alone she is always asking me if women were around, did they come onto me, etc. She has always been self confident, and is gorgeous herself which is why looks wise i never felt i deserved but we’ve been married 7 yrs

I love my girl more than anything! For the most part we have a great relationship. We’re 33 and have been together for 2 years and have a son together. She is divorced and has kids from her previous marriage. They’re good kids and I love them, but they’re kids. They leave they’re thing lying around (ages 11 & 8), they’re messy and can’t seem to grasp the concept of what we’re trying to teach them. I don’t want her to leave. I can see myself with her for the rest of my life, but I’m still not used to the lifestyle of kids leaving things everywhere. It has kind of put up a wall. She has recently brought up the marriage subject and I’m kind of hesitant. She said if I’m not going to commit then she wants to move on with her life. I am committed, just not legally. She told me I should have thought about everything before we decided to get together. I wouldn’t change anything. I love her and her kids. Why am i so hesitant about marriage? What’s my problem?

hello,my name is preeti,i was born prerith a boy i am still a boy but my parents who r both teahers never wanted a son they wanted a gentle daughter who’d be well bout up by dem,so since my birth the decided they’d bring me up as a girl and started calling me preeti,i was not sent to school and my parents demselves thought me every aspect of education,when i was 7 i started understanding my life and was loving it i never wanted to be a boy and wanted to stay a girl and do wat girls do,wen i was 13 i had almost had hip length hair was medicated to get a soft voice and got laser for my facial hair,i was thought how to maintain a bra and panty and i always used and still use paper balls for my bra,i was fair,pretty and very femenine,with a well made girly figure no one could in their wildest dreams guess i was a boy,wen i was 18 on my 18th b’day my parents gifted me my first saree and i wore it with all happiness with great make up and long ear rings and went to meet a friend with whom i also met a girl who actually was my opposite she was a biological girl who wanted to be a boy with her parents supporting and she having very small infact unientical assets she wore a suit or boy’s jeans etc and cut her hair short and looked boyish she behaved like a boy and spoke like 1,she culd easily pass as a boy,we both became friends and initially started dating since then i have been reffred as "she" and she has been reffered as "he".
so wen he once told me that he wanted to marry me i was ultra excited and he told me their parents always wanted a ghar jamai(house husband) but they r very happy that they will get a bahu(daugter-in-law) so were my parents they were thrilled that i’l be sum person’s WIFE..so wen komal(his name) and his parents came to meet us all was good and our wedding was booked in a while and v got married as me dressed up in a red gagra(gown) as the dulhan(bride) and he dressed in a shervani(suit) as a dulha that was an ultimate moment wen we completed the ritual with him tieng the mangalsutra(holy thread) to my neck and i was announced his beloved wife,i dint drop a tear wen i left my mom and dad to live with his family as i was very excited abt my new life.i had an amazint 4 months as a married woman in his house with amazing in laws he was an amazing husband i was a very caring housewife aswel but since the last one month even though my inlaws say i am the best bahu(daughter in law)in the world he’s a bit off he says that i am being a darling wife but he is not able to be a good hubby,which is so not true he’s been an awesome husband i feel like the worlds most happiest wife but he is very low not listening to any1,v’v had calm discussions to teary fights on this topic ,what do i do he’s even into alcohol des days i cant c him sad ?

additional details:v dont want to be biologically changed into the sex v mentally r.v r happy dis way.
i am 21 he is 23

this is really serious and not a joke please help me out with solutions.

My problems with my mil and fail all stem form issues with my sister in law. From the time I met my husband in high school she has always been given priority over their other children. Anything she wanted she got, anything she did wrong was not her fault, whenever she made a mistake…ex) getting 2 cars repo-ed they bought her one with their own money. She is the oldest of all their children 25 or 26 now and they continue to do this crap. When my husband was 18 they immediately Told him that he needed to get off their auto insurance. But they continue to pay for hers. When she got caught with a bong under her bed….she simply said it wasn’t hers and that was the end of it! Our real problems started when she got pregnant a while back, she lies so much no one would even believe her until they saw for themselves, right away she moved back in with them and quit her job, feeding them all this bull about how the father tricked her into sleeping with him and it wasn’t her fault. During the pregnancy she had so many opportunities to get things for the baby for free…but she had to have the best of everything which they bought her. She ended up suckering the father of the kid into taking her back and her parents moved her 8 states away to be with him and gave them all their living room furniture. They paid for her plane tickets back and forth, bought her a new digital camera which they claimed was "for the baby." while she was pregnant we got into an argument which I am totally willing to admit was our fault. We m made our feelings about the situation known and. Informed the father to get a paternity test….even after apologizing she never drops it….anytime she wasn’t money she will say if we give it to her…she will "forget the whole thing". Finally things came to a head when my husband got in a car wreck will fighting with her on the phone….from that day on I said I was done with her and so was my husband….but his parents keep pressuring us to spend time with her and her kid. My husband will never stand up to his parents about they way they treat her…so I just have All this built up anger against them all. We got married almost 2 years ago and now my sill is engaged to the. Kids father. When we got married his parents would barely pay for the rehearsal dinner, they even asked everyone not to get drinks other than water. And they got us absolutely nothing for a wedding gift. Now that his sister is getting married they are paying a florist thousands of dollars to deliver the flowers four hours away to another city because THAT is the florist she likes…..idc about the gifts or the obey….it is the principle that makes me mad. I just want me and my husband to be treated fairly. Since my husband will do nothing I feel like I have to be mad for both of us and I really don’t think I want to bring children into a family where ii know they will never be treated equAlly. I don’t know what to do. I love my husband, but I can’t just keep pretending like there isn’t a problem.

I have been with my husband for 8 years, married almost 6 of those eight. My husband takes me for granted a LOT. Pushes me away when I try to give him affection, and only touches me when its for our few and far between sex. I am very very very depressed sad and unhappy, but I love him and he is a good father to our kids, I truly want to fix this. I just don’t know how… I need a real fix, not a band aid, I am sick of things being better for a few months, then back to the same thing… I just don’t know what to do to rekindle our love. He refuses counseling, so that is out…
Before we had kids he was VERY loving and affectionate, after we had kids for a long time he seemed jealous of them, so I left him for awhile. Now he just seems indifferent, I work, I take care of our kids, I cook for him daily, I do all the wifely duties, and if I miss one thing, he is pissed, if I do everything he expects, then basically I feel like I am just a piece of furniture in his life, something to hold the place together.

About 2 years ago I had health issues and the medications I took caused me to gain weight. Now that I have cleared up and no longer on those meds I am starting to lose weight but slowly. The problem is that since this had happened the love and affection my husband used to show me has slowed down to the point that 70% of the time I feel like its gone. I love my husband so much and it makes me feel sad a good portion of the days. I keep telling myself if I lose the weight it will change. I talk to my husband about it and he says he dont care what I look like he loves me no matter what and that its just that he is so tired all the time and he isnt 20 anymore. He is 37. I just dont see how age has anything to do with the fact that he comes home from work and lays in the chair not saying a word all night watching tv. Its not all about sex its much more. I feel like even when he is home with me im still here alone. Any thoughts please?

I’m a man. I prefer not to tell my age in case I get answers saying "I’m too young" or I’ll change my mind when I fall in love". No I won’t change my mind. I’ve known for the past 5 years that I’ll never have kids and planning to get a vasectomy soon. After my bachelor’s degree mostly.
My parents talk a lot about my future and I recently told them that I won’t ever have kids. That news came to them as a big shock. They went on about the usual stuff people tell the child-free.
You’ll be lonely in future. You’ll regret it. No one will take care of you in old age etc etc which is perfectly untrue. I will not go into details about why I do not want kids since it will get too long if I do so. But I’m sure if you answerers are broad minded and intellectual enough, you will NOT insult me for choosing to be child-free.
My parents also told me that no woman would ever marry me. This is true in fact. I am from India. The second most populated country in the world. Finding a child-free woman in India is like that needle in a haystack quote. Moreover, my parents are too traditional. They have constantly told me that they want me to marry someone from our country, religion…blah blah blah! I’m not traditional. I don’t mind marrying a woman as long as she’s kind, caring, honest and of course doesn’t want kids.
But in my country(India), and especially my religion, it is REALLY hard to find a woman who doesn’t want kids. They have it drilled in their heads that they live to bear children. Questioning that is a huge sin and will have terrible consequences. It’s not that my country is uneducated or backward(though is poor). In fact my parents want me to marry an Indian woman who has had good education. But regarding this matter, Indian woman have their own strong desires to have children on top of which are added, religious and society demands and pressure from family/friends (and basically everyone).
Now I don’t mind marrying a woman who isn’t from my country and religion. But that would make my parents really unhappy/angry/resentful. I know that they wouldn’t come to our marriage or even give us their blessings. They may even take the drastic step of cutting off contact with me, and never wanting to see me or my wife again. I love my parents and I’d hate to go against them.
Like i said before, I’d rather look for a needle in a haystack than look for a child-free woman in my country and religion. Do not advice me to have children. I will not change my mind on that issue. It seems to me that the only solution is to marry out of my religion or if need be, out of my country. But you know the consequenses of that. So please do answer with possible solutions.
These answers are bull**. To the second person. Do not question my decision. Every choice we make has possibility of regret.
You people don’t understand anything at all. RichWilliams, I can see you are another typical Indian man. All women do NOT want kids. I have met a few women online who wanted to remain child-free

My husband has a thing for large chested women. I always see him staring at other women. It makes me feel insecure because I’ve found dating profiles for him as well as emails of him flirting with other women. He’s even told me I had small breasts (I’m a 34DD). I talked to him about it but he says it’s only human. What should I do?
It’s not the looking that bothers me. It’s the fact that he flirts around and every female coworker he has is overly friendly towards him. This was going on before the marriage as well so maybe I should have been strong enough to leave a long time ago. He knows it hurts me but he just gets angry when I confront him about it and tell him how it makes me feel like nothing.

I have a pet Hamster- her name is Rosie. Youse guys don’t have a problem with me marrying my pet Hamster, do you? Why won’t you let us love!!!!! Why do you get in the way of our love!!!!

My cousin Fred wants to marry a head of lettuce, too. Are you guys going to get in his way, too? Why won’t you let love reign free?!!!!!!

I am just sick and tired of all these people standing in the way of love. After all, it’s not possible to express love UNLESS one is married. Why is love being called "unnatural?" Nature is a good thing, isn’t it?????

Background info:

My sons father and I are not married, he is catholic and i am protestant. We were together for 5 years total, have a 3 year old and not together right now because of me. After I had my son, I discovered he had been unfaithful with 4 different women so we broke up. I dated other men and he considers that as me being unfaithful to him even though we were not dating at the time, we had split. We had broken up since Sept of last year, got back together in January because I realized that his family was screwed and thought with counseling and help we could get better. I got pregnant again, and because of the hormone changes, I was a ****** but always talked things over to him before we went to bed, he on the other hand would stay at his job every night and didnt even stay with me while being pregnant! I miscarried at 7 weeks and we finally broke up officially in March. After that, I promised myself I would be with anyone until I got married. He says he wants to marry me but he cant control himself. Hes always saying how he has to have sex or else hes in pain (down there) and that its too much and that this whole waiting until marriage after we had a child is ridiculous. So anyhow, we do not live together, but we hang out for the sake of our child and anytime I hug him, he wants to just have sex, or hell say, let me just do this or that. And I get upset and so does he because I refuse to have sex with him. He says we are going to get married anyway. So what happened, this morning, since he was upset, I tell him, you need to respect my decision and if you cant then go and have sex with someone else, but Im not going to marry you because you couldnt wait for me. He doesnt get it, and it stresses me out SO much. Another thing, I dont have that big a sex drive.. he does, he wants to have sex all the time. I dont think I could keep up with his expectations of me sexually if we were to get married. I cant even hug him or watch a movie with him, hell want to have sex. Its so annoying. Am I being ridiculous? Maybe I should remain single, I dont know for sure if we are going to get married and I dont want to risk it. Thanks.

My friend is getting married soon. He dated his fiancee for 8 months before getting engaged. He seems to have the perfect life – good looks, amazing personality, been a groomsman several times in his friends wedding, excellent career. He has it all. Would this mean his marriage will be a fairytale? The way he talks about it sounds like it does – he is buying a house soon and wants to make career changes so he won’t need to work long hours when he is married.

My friend is getting married soon. He dated his fiancee for 8 months before getting engaged. He seems to have the perfect life – good looks, amazing personality, been a groomsman several times in his friends wedding, excellent career. He has it all. He is a simple ordinary guy and is marrying a high maintenance girl. He gave her a big engagement ring. Would this mean his marriage will be a fairytale? The way he talks about it sounds like it does – he is buying a house soon and wants to make career changes so he won’t need to work long hours when he is married.

It would easy for me to say that I am bored, but I do not feel that way. After 13 years of marriage I just don’t seem to have any fun with my wife, have any fun just hanging around her. For 13 years I have been a lap dog and sat beside her as we watched ungodly amounts of trashy reality television.. and every possible show about fat people becoming thin… she books every hour of my time with either things she wants to do, or needs my help to do… I have five days off around Memorial Day and now she wants to paint the inside of the house….. I know these seem like small things, but there are hundreds of them over the past years…. I have been faking headaches and sleeping in the guest room just to relax… to be away from her for a few hours… we all have likes and dislikes, colors to show and to share, and I feel like I am disappearing from the world. I don’t want to divorce… but I can’t breathe anymore. How do I get some air in my lungs?

Just so you know, I am a good guy, well employed, true, and never at all interested in cheating… that would never happen no matter how I feel. I would get divorced first.
Hi Katherine, I do have a lot of hobbies, and sadly they are kind of solitary hobbies. I like to read, practice the guitar, listen to music, my wife likes music, but as a background to conversation, she does not hold album covers like I do and talk about chord changes, lyrical content, or social impact… So most of what I like she does not care for, and even worse she feels neglected if I am choosing hobbies over her. As time has gone on I am pushing myself away from her.
You are right, I am afraid to talk openly with her because all I know how to say is that "The only time I am happy is when you are not around". How do you heal that? How do you change that?

Does it pose a problem if the name my passport is Yusuf Ola, and the name on my marriage certificate is Yusuf Adeola, does it mean anything when am applying for visa at any embassy?

i got married august 2009 now me and my husband are in the process of getting divorced in may 2011 i noticed a spelling mistake on my fathers surname does this mean im legally married in the first place?

does it pose problem when applying for visa if the name on my marriage certificate is different from the one in my passport? Example; on my marriage certificate Dadee Oyeola, on my passport is Dadee Ola Adelola, if it will pose a problem what should i do before going to the embassy