The FIRST hint its time to cut bait is when the mate gets caught!-
It seems pretty cut and dry where you stand when they cheat..Come on what do you think?

The question of "DON’T YOU LOVE ME" HOW COULD YOU…BLAH BLAh..what answer can he give that will make you say..Oh, I see that’s a good reason..well lets forget it for now and move on…

Let that punk go and don’t make excuses for him..HE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HE IS DOING…COME ON…Dont be a fool…

Move on

Actually I completely agree with you. I monitor various boards where married and divorcing people discuss the effect of their affairs and/or their spouses affairs on themselves and others. These are the saddest and most infuriating posts on the web. Many betrayed spouses drag out a divorce and prolong their own healing process for years before realizing that they can never forget their partner’s betrayal.

Based on my own experience (my first wife cheated on me) and what I have gleaned from these boards, if you discover that your spouse is or has been in an affair:

1. Prepare and file for divorce within days or weeks, not years Confrontation and reconciliation merely prolong the agony and do not heal the betrayed. Also note that an unfaithful spouse can be more agreeable to quick painless divorce to protect their reputation, position, and their illicit relationship..
2. Do not reveal your knowledge of their affair until AFTER the divorce is final. Knowledge is power and revealing what you know merely reduces this power. Reveal your knowledge of the affair ONLY insofar as necessary to budge your spouse toward divorce, if necessary.
3. After the divorce is final, THEN you can post the evidence and time line of the affair in a blog so that friends and family can view it.
4. Don’t "stay for the kids". YOU are not hurting the kids, your spouse cheated on THEM as well as you.
5. During and after the divorce, help your emotional healing by avoiding contact with your ex-spouse, and avoid painful memory triggers such as furniture, car, house, restaurants, …

I agree. Hence, the divorce.

I have to say I agree with Ray – once a cheater always a cheater!

Kids is the only thing I can think of but my man would be a eunuch if he pulled that B.S.!!!!!

Do you still love your spouse and are they still in love with you? Has this been the only time? & Do you have children? These are the questions you have to ask yourself. If you still love him/her and they still love you, then at least you know that your gonna work on something worth fight for. If this was a "brain fart" on their part, and its only been this one time, you have to remember there are alot of home wreckers out there that get a kick out of ruining families. Is that bitch/asshole worth losing your family? Finally, the children, the little ones are the ones that get hurt in the long run. They are innocent in the decisions we sometimes make. And one of us has to be the strong one that keeps the family all under one roof. Forgiving is possible, but forgetting is HARD. Sit down talk about it and you will both come out with the correct answer. Of course the adulterer is gonna have to work harder than you do in trying to make up the crap he/she made of things.

Love is blinding when you get caught off guard !

Some people can actually forgive there spouse for cheating and that is why they stay. Some stay because they are afraid to leave. Some need to stay for the money involved. If they leave, they may not be able to make enough to be on their own. They are may reason to stay. I would not stay becasue I would not be able to forgive. I would have to leave becasue I would not want to hold on to the bitterness.

I can’t tell you that I got over it 100% but I’ve seen better days and raising two children with out a father for me is not an option. I don’t want to make the same mistake my mother made, I have a happy life now… I wouldn’t have it any other way.

There isn’t a point…if the person is having an affair they don’t really care about you so get a divorce.

Perhaps they didn’t have strong enough proof.

Not me, I’d be done. Love isn’t enough to overcome that ultimate betrayal.

Dunno man I have said the same thing over and over. I get the same lame excuse " Leaving is not an option"

for me,

it’s because i too want to be forgiven and not judged.

my staying really doesn’t have anything to do with him.

Because sometimes it’s a huge wake up call to both spouses that something may have been missing or neglected in their marriage. It took an affair to face realization.

people have many reasons. some stay for the kids, money,stupidity,insecure, no choice,or just don’t want to go the the hassle a divorce could create…

I couldn’t leave until I knew I had tried everything I could to save our relationship. And trust me, i tried everything.

Some people have a lot to lose and cant start over !

If sex was the only factor then it is easier to get over it!

As long as no std or kids emerged from it ,you can probably work it out !

Personally I would rather leave a marriage Knowing that I’ve done everything I could to fix it instead of wondering about what I could have done and if it would have worked.

If my wife cheated and i found out. I would be living alone that evening.
Cheating the first time is a deal breaker Instantly That minute.. There would be no words to fix it. We both know it.

Oh dear… How about this? Either you are Christian or not, you made a vow front of God. Don’t you think that it is something you want to keep your promise? It’s hard not to think about your spouse affair… Trust me…. I am going through that myself right now so if you spouse cheated on you, I know how you feel. I happened to come across this site & hopefully it will help you. http://www.marriagebuilder.com
It tells you how to save your marriage if you want to. If you have no desire to save your marriage, what is the point even trying? Yes you are hurt & just can’t get over it… Read the section coping with infidelity… Make sure try not to point finger at your spouse for what she did… Good luck

I personally don’t know how people do it. I couldn’t do it, I’d never be able to trust him again. I have two friends who have taken back husbands who were cheating on them and guess what – in both cases they found out their husbands were cheating again. Both decided to end it after he cheated a second time (or second time they knew of)

It is an individual thing, and can only be answered by the parties involved. Obviously it is a difficult time, and the marriage has to be strong enough to survive it. Usually, if it is the woman that is cheating, it makes it much more difficult because of the male ego. Women tend to have more forgiveness, more understanding, and the ability to forget the past.

It is just like any other transgression, if you hold it over someone and constantly bring it up, then it will cause harm.

There is no logic to relationships. Some people honor the vows they swore to uphold in front of family, friends and God. Others don’t believe in God. They believe that there are no consequences for ignoring their vows and cheating on their spouse. So, what the heck. I should just go for it and enjoy breaking the heart of the person who loves and trusts me.

To me, a marriage vow is a very solemn vow that should be followed until your spouse breaks it. if my wife wants to fool around with some other guy while married to me, then she does not want to be married to me. Once she has broken the vow of being faithful to me "until death do us part", then our marriage contract is broken and it is time for divorce.

I’m thinking that before someone cheats, there are signs ahead of time. And assuming that you really knew the person you said "I do" to and if they still cheat, then something along the way has changed. People do change as they grow older. Hopefully, you change together and not grow apart as time goes on. But if you have a lot of time together, you have a lot of memories, maybe even children together, and it could be worth salvaging. I’m not saying the person would be forgiven for cheating, because I think marriage is based on trust. I think that the person who was cheated on has a right to be suspect of the person who cheated, and the one who cheated has to prove that they can be trusted again. I would think that could take a long time.

some just have a hard time letting go

Worth saving or not worth saving is in the eyes of the beholder. To someone else, you could be a fool but then again you do not live for those people.

Some people live with the hope they will never do it again. Which is untrue, all it does is tell the spouse it’s OK to cheat on me because I’II forgive you.

It’s actually OK giving advice on these types of sites but it’s never clear cut in reality. Children may be involved in the marriage, it’s hard to leave a life that you’ve built up with someone.

You get a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card.

It is so tough but people stay for more than one reason whether it is for security, money or the children these are difficult decisions to take into consideration. It is true what you ask why stay and be in such a reminder. Either way one will always be reminded. It is true that this person cheated and if they will do it again. Was there a reason for cheating, maybe maybe not only the cheater knows. In all we as human take our chances and it is up to each person to make their move when it comes to deciding on what to do.

Some people can forgive and forget and work through such a thing with couples therapy or whatever. I personally couldn’t. But I know some can.

because they put the blame on themselves, that they didn’t do enough to please their spouse, that’s why he/she cheated.

I have known of women who stayed because they were financially better off – believe it or not. Sad.

i need something from her before i leave…