When is a marriage not worth saving?

This might be a little long…
My husband and I were on-again, off-again, the whole time we were dating. Mainly because I would realize that, no matter how much I told myself I was in love with him, I would find myself very unhappy after as little as a year together. He would always act very cold and distant emotionally when we were together, but once I would finally decide to leave he would freak out and become a completely different guy, loving, caring, desperate to be with me etc. One of these times I took the bait and decided to marry him before he joined the army. Neither of us were ready to part, so we felt that if we had time to work on our marriage, we would be happy together in the end.
Fast-forward to two years later, we still have not lived together since the wedding, and have grown apart (and grown up, since we married right out of college) quite a bit. I feel very unhappy in my marriage, while on the flip side, the rest of my life–education, career, goals, living alone, etc–makes me quite happy. Since we married he has also gone back to his usual withdrawal from the relationship emotionally. I feel as though I have been begging him to care about me and communicate with me for two years–now I am finally tired and I don’t want to try anymore. True to form, once I brought up divorce he has become the most devoted, loving and desperate husband–even talking about killing himself if I leave him.
He has also threatened to bring me up on a myriad of army conduct charges (all out of his imagination about things he thinks i have done) and to make a divorce long and expensive for me. He has also told me in the past that he is not attracted to me, and refused to have sex with me for months at a time. (Just have to say, I’m a pretty, athletic female with a kick-ass body, so him saying that stuff is not normal, compared to what most guys think). I have told him that him saying that has ‘broken’ me, because it’s been a year now and I still can’t get over it, and have no desire to have sex with my husband or even to let him look at me.

That’s pretty much the nutshell. All my friends think he is crazy and I need to leave, as much for my own happiness as for getting away from him–yet I still feel very guilty. I don’t think I will ‘regret’ it, since we haven’t had many good times to remember. Yet, with EVERYTHING that I think is wrong, I still feel that leaving him would be selfish, and I may be doing the wrong thing. It seems that the trend with counselling is to try to save your marriage above all else–but what about when the marriage was a bad idea in the first place? He is now BEGGING me to give the marriage one more try, and of course I could, but I feel that I really DON"t want to.

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