I know this is ultimately my decision but I would like to see what others think or what they would do in this situation. My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years, together for 6 years (both of us are 26y/o) Throughout our relationship there have been a number of unexplained instances where he’s been online chatting to other women or texting his ex. He was always hiding his phone & had it on vibe. We even changed his number a couple of times. About 3 years into our relationship we decided to buy a house together to quit wasting money on rent in an apartment. Barely one month after moving into the house i find he had been talking to his ex and even texted some pics of himself (if you know what i mean) to her. I was scared to leave because we had just got this house together so we went to counseling to try and figure things out. I had started to trust him again and we got married a year later. (yah i know, stupid on my part) We started having issues again, plain old fashioned marriage issues, so we went to another counselor. While there I had brought up what he’d done in the past so everything was out in the open. I thought things were going well, even though there was still some tension between us. Well in October of last year he had left his email open (an email that i didn’t know he had) and there was an email from one girl saying that she missed him and such blah blah blah. it was dated while we were seeing our second counselor. The other email was from a different girl that had sent half naked pictures of herself dated July of last year. In June of last year we had started the "family talk". I just don’t know how any of this makes sense. A little under 2 months before i found those emails, we had really started to distance from each other. It seemed no matter how hard i tried he didn’t want to come to bed, do things around the house, nothing. So when he said he was changing his days off at work so we no longer had one day off together, i just gave up. I started talking to his best friend. It really was just pure innocent chatting, someone to talk to. After that and the finding of the emails, we separated. We’ve been separated for almost 6 months now and divorce papers filed and a courts appointment the end of April. This past week I have been thinking a lot about it all and have started missing him. I have been fine without him around for 6 months now but when i think of that court date and us divorcing it brings me to tears. i just don’t want to see this happening in another couple of years. How long do you put up with something before its just to much? I look at all we have together and want it to be ok, but will it ever be ok? Anyone who’s been thru this or going thru this please give me your input or how you dealt. I just don’t trust my own judgment anymore. Thank you for reading all of this, i tried to shorten it a bit.
the first 3 months of separation he tried a lot to "get me back". said i could quit my job and not have to work, he would do anything to make it work, obsessively called my mom and our friends to talk about us. The night i told him i wanted out he flipped out screaming and crying & my mom ended up calling the sheriffs dept just in case. He’s left me alone since February minus a few calls to figure divorce stuff out. he actually had me served because i was taking to long to do it but its "what you want" he said.
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I don’t intend to ever get married… ever
Choose divorce.
Something similar happened to me. I tried to save it, but it only got worse.
By the end, the marriage counselor put it this way to me, "He doesn’t love you the way you need to be loved." So no matter what you do, he will never change. That lead to a high conflict divorce (even though I walked away from the house and the materialistic things). We had two young kids too.
I have since remarried to the most wonderful man in the world who loves me the way I need to be loved.
WHY stay married?????Really! It is GONE..Done in with LIES,DECEIT,NO TRUST, NO RESPECT, No COMMITMENT,,ETC A marriage can be so good but this NO WAY..
NO NO no please dnt go bk 2 him. hes only gonna do it again…..u need to be strong and go threw with it. I guarantee u if u go bk to him its only gonna let him know how much power he has over you. Hes gonna think he can do whatever & that youre never gonna leave him.
Ofcourse its gonna be painful especially when u did nothing wrong but you deserve to be happy, & i doubt youll be happy by his side. he had many chances to make things rite.
You were married to him, but he wasn’t married to you.
The reason that counseling didn’t work is because counseling doesn’t fix bad character. You married a cheater, a liar and a teenager who happens to look like a man.
Don’t give this jerk one more minute of your thoughts. HE DOESN’T DESERVE IT.
To answer your question about how long do you put up with something before it’s too much, I would have been done and gone after finding out about him sending naked pictures to the ex right after moving in. Had he asked me to marry him at that time, I would laughed in his face while packing my stuff. No WAY. Moving in never ‘fixes things’. Marriage never ‘fixes things’, but only magnifies whatever is good, AND whatever is bad.
Best of luck to you, hon
Sweetie, next time you fall in love, please don’t move in first. When you have a ring on your hand and a date on the calendar that’s weeks away, and a final fitting on the pretty dress you’re going to wear to make this man yours forever, and your wedding gifts need a home, too … THEN you move.
the foundation of trust was never built. He has not been truthful and honest with you from the start. You deserve truth, honesty and trust. You made the right choice. I have been married almost 20 years and found out that my husband had been doing on line chatting for 6 years with an assortment of private emails….etc set up. The break of trust has been devastating and I am trying to deal with all the women that he cybered with in my bedroom while I was at work! Hard to be in your own bed and know that so many others have been their also on a web cam!! You are going in the right direction with what you deserve and you deserve someone who truly appreciates and respects YOU!
Just think of it this way, you never had a relationship, you never had a man who loved you and he only used you all these years because he could not, for whatever reason, be with the woman he loves who is is ex wife. Having said that, there is nothing you can miss other than the emotional abuse and cheating he has been doing all these years.
Put the house up for sale, get your part of the deal and get out of his life.
If you have to tie up a dog to keep it, it is not your dog.
‘We even changed his number a couple of times’ ……..he sounds tied up to me.
You don’t have a marriage.
Im really sorry for what your going through… but its seems like your husband will keep doing this over and over again. "Throughout our relationship there have been a number of unexplained instances where he’s been online chatting to other women" "Barely one month after moving into the house i find he had been talking to his ex and even texted some pics of himself (if you know what i mean) to her" "The other email was from a different girl that had sent half naked pictures of herself dated July of last year"
it looks like he never actually regreated any of his actions and/or he has a sickness, people who cheat arent always the most mentally balanced. I really feel for you.. you should go to counseling by yourself and try to overcome this. Would you save your marriage or choose divorce? I would file for divorce and find someone that truly deserves me. Girl you are young I know it might hurt but you can restart your life…. Best Wishes !! God Bless You!
He does not seem to respect or care about your feelings.
You have been apart for six months and with the court date which will make it final coming up you are starting to panic and not trust your judgement. You know in your heart what you need to do. This man has had chance after chance after chance. It doesn’t sound like he is even ready to change. In the six months you have been apart, has he tried to reconcile with you? Count your blesings, do not call him, and follow through with your divorce. It’s for the best. Good Luck to you.
Hon, you don’t have a marriage to save. See the divorce through. Then take some time to heal, but move on with your life. You might miss him now, but you’ll get over him, trust me.